Hey Mom!

Hey Mom! So ever since I made my Inked video, I've been throwing around the word betrayal a lot... as in quadruple the recommended dosage.   The truth is I've been betrayed and as much as I wish I could say this is a dramatization for the purpose of comedy, there is absolutely NOTHING funny about this: Top Ten Things That Have Betrayed Me: 1. Coffee: Basically I tripped down the stairs and then my coffee laughed in my face except coffee can't laugh so it just vomited lava humiliation into my face... and ruined the carpet. BETRAYAL! See my previous post for more details. 2. Cleaning Supplies: I was promised stain removal, I still only have stain... BETRAYAL! 3. Cribbage: I was on a killer hot streak and needed 3 points to win the game and then I had no points in my crib.... BETRAYAL! 4. Ya Mama: She yelled "19" right before I looked at my crib... BETRAYAL! 5. Reality: I am supposed to be in love, having the time of my life and dancing through life.

Hey Mom! There is coffee in my hair.  There is coffee on my face.  There is coffee on my arms.  My phone is coated with coffee.  A once white carpet has all the splatterings of a medium roast crime scene.  I have rug burns and regular burns.  Oh yeah, AND I BROKE EVERY BONE IN MY BODY <--- please note this is hyperbole for the purpose of comedy. What actually happened is I fell down the stairs, while I was falling down said stairs I threw the hot cup of coffee I was carrying into my OWN FACE.  Do you know what it's like to catch your own coffee in the face?  It's like my only true and constant friend betrayed me.  Twist the knife a little more my sweet love, long have I known your bitterness, long have I understood your dark powers, there is no sweetener to soften your edge.  Consequently, it looks like the walls are leaking dark ambrosia and I have been injured as well as insulted. I wish I was in a body cast because that would be less embarrassing that shuffling arou

Hey Mom! So if you know me at all, you know that I am one of the cheapest people alive today.  I make my home amongst coupon cutters, recyclers and handcrafters (please note these are not the crafters of hands but rather those who prefer cheaply homemade goods).  As you may imagine, I use the phrase "Too rich for my blood" more often than people post stupid things on Facebook (duh dum chee).  Yeah I didn't think it was that funny either... anywaaaaaaaaaaay Top Ten Things That Are Too Rich for My Blood 1. Sweet Potato Fries - Firstly they are gross, secondly you want to pay an extra dollar for fries that aren't even worth a dollar in the first place? 2. Brand Name School Supplies - The only difference between your cue cards and mine are the fact that I didn't need to take out a loan to be able to afford small rectangular paper. Nuff said 3. Condiments - Yes, it is weird to ask for ketchup when I buy a coffee but at least it's a free kind of weird.