Hey Mom!

Hey Mom! I've been pretty vocal about how much I hate corn mazes lately and I'd like to continue to do that. In this post, I intend to demonstrate that corn mazes are objectively evil and therefore deserve your disdain, first I need to be honest with my biases. When I was a teenager I was invited to attend a corn maze with a local youth group and then the girl who invited me DID NOT SHOW UP! Now I know what you're thinking: Mack, is this the source of your unwavering social anxiety?! The answer to that question is: No. And honestly if that's the worst thing that happened to you as a teenager, I simply cannot relate, Charlivia. Now if I had had my driver's license or been in walking distance of my house, I would've gone home. But I was 15 AND if I had had the directional sense to walk home, I might not hate corn mazes so much BUT WE DON'T LIVE IN THAT WORLD MARJAMIN! Now I know what you're thinking: Mack, that was over a decade ago, what are som

Hey Mom! So recently I realized that I've been living here for two years and should probably branch out and try new things. Why? Mostly because I've watched quite a few Julia Roberts films at my roommate's behest and that's how she usually sorts herself out. As fate would have it, my resolve was immediately tested when I was invited to a drop-in boxing class.. in the park..during peak foot traffic hours. Now in case you need a visual, I would describe my boxing style as if you took someone who was drowning and put them on dry land, just a flurry of panicked limbs. You guys, I flailed the ol' goblin body around in PUBLIC VIEW. I should be charged with something... indecency probably. I am also definitely the worst person in the class. Now I know what you're thinking Mack, how could you possibly know that? I would tell you if you let me get a word in edgewise, Julshua! We were doing stairs and at one point I looked up mid-lunge and saw every other person was

Hey Mom! So my shift got cancelled and I ended up with the day off. Last minute days off are a gift. It's the universe standing well outside your personal space and say Hey, whatever you want to do today... you can totes do.... well except make money because you aren't working today... and crime... well I mean you could do crime if you really want but you know.... felonies have consequences... anyway I'll leave you to it.  I started my day off by wandering around the house and losing my coffee cup several times.  Like here, behind the tv for no reason. It's like a where's Waldo but with trash! I was cleaning the bathroom, I was not pooping. I left in the microwave after heating it up because I left it in the bathroom. AND THEN I REMEMBERED DOOMSDAY PREPPERS! If you don't know, Doomsday Preppers is a tv show where people demonstrate their preparations for variou

Hey Mom! A lot of people have been asking me what I've been doing with my time off since practicum. Well, this week I was watching some youtube videos when I suddenly fell into the loving arms of Milù, Now I know what you're thinking: Mack, please stop giving your weighted blanket human names... it's weird. I will have you know, that Milù (at least I think that's her name) does crochet tutorials.  I don't know if it was her soothing voice or hot pink acrylic nails but I was immediately entranced. Unfortunately for me, those tutorials are entirely in Spanish  BUT  (and it is a big but) I know some numbers in Spanish and so I figured I would give it a go. As far as I can tell the pattern is for a large shirt so I do the first row of stitches and realize that something is wrong. When I wrap it around myself it is tight , like could hulk out and destroy it tight. The pattern must be a children's large. No problem! As a beginner-intermediate crocheter, I dec

Hey Mom! So lately I've been trash-talking Chris Hemsworth a lot on social media. Now I know what you're thinking Mack, why are you bullying Thor? Listen, liiiisten, liiiiiiiisteeeeennnnn, is it technically bullying? No, it's actually just gossip because, as you may have guessed, Christopher is unaware of my chirping. The real question is how did we get here? Yes, we, we are in this together now. Well, in January (20Greateen) I saw Thor Ragnorak and thought "Thor has great triceps." and then a green tide of jealousy overtook me and I knew that I needed to get myself some beautiful triceps. So I decided to start lifting weights for the first time since my back injury. Has it been a very good experience that has contributed to my overall health? Yes! Is that a logical reason to start lifting weights? Absoluuuuutely not. Anyway, it started out as inspiration but much like most things in my life it quickly descended into a very stupid joke: I am coming for your