Happiness: A Template
Hey Mom!
So if you are feeling particularly offendable today, it is my suggestion that you don't read this. I'm not judging, we all have days where our feelings are particularly easy to hurt and if you are having one of those days just click away.
Ok this week I'm going to kick it old school and just go for it. If you didn't have the misfortune of reading my old blog... just imagine a high-strung 18 year old who thought they knew how the world worked. While I am not claiming to know how the world works, I am just going to say exactly what I want to say because I already warned you about hurt feelings.
Why do we suck at treating people like they have their own brain? I've seen a lot of posts about fat-shaming, skinny-shaming, parenting styles shaming, food shaming, lifestyle shaming, for goodness sake I've even seen elf on the shelf shaming (and let me just say that I hate elf on the shelf with a fury second only to the fires of Mordor so I understand the dislike). Shame shame shame. Shame for me, shame from me. Lets all shove shame at each other like monkeys throwing their crap! Merry Christmas here is a big ol' bucket-o-shame.
Now I'm not talking about why you hate something or why discussing the benefits of a certain lifestyle, I am talking about openly attacking and belittling people who don't agree with you. I'm talking about making people feel like less of a human being because they are choosing to do something that is different.
Now this is a sore spot for me because I am a twenty something who doesn't want kids. So I often get a lot of very patronizing remarks that can basically be chalked up to the other person assuming I have flippantly decided not to birth offspring:
Blah blah blah young and foolish blah blah blah you'll change your mind blah blah blah the right person blah blah blah.
Now I could rant for pages and pages (and it would be a most beautiful rant; dripping with sarcasm and rife expertly crafted punchlines). But the truth is, everyone has that sore spot, that something that they always feel under attack for.
Why?
Well I'm no expert (but I'm really hoping you knew this) but I don't believe it stems from an inherent meanness. I think it's because we think we know better. We know what makes us happy and so logically it should make other people happy. That's why we make people feel bad for not having kids or having what we deem to be too many kids. It's why we make people feel bad for going to school or not going to school or placing a creepy, mildly sociopathic elf in their homes (ok that was a low blow I'm sorry, ignore me, enjoy your merriment).
Happiness is not a template. It doesn't look the same for everyone. What makes me happy might not make you happy. What is best for me might be what's worst for you. And that is ok, it doesn't mean one of us is better than the other, it just means we are different.
That is all.
BTW if you feel like I am shaming you for shaming others, I used "we" to signify that I too am ashamed of my shameless shamery of others.
So if you are feeling particularly offendable today, it is my suggestion that you don't read this. I'm not judging, we all have days where our feelings are particularly easy to hurt and if you are having one of those days just click away.
Ok this week I'm going to kick it old school and just go for it. If you didn't have the misfortune of reading my old blog... just imagine a high-strung 18 year old who thought they knew how the world worked. While I am not claiming to know how the world works, I am just going to say exactly what I want to say because I already warned you about hurt feelings.
Why do we suck at treating people like they have their own brain? I've seen a lot of posts about fat-shaming, skinny-shaming, parenting styles shaming, food shaming, lifestyle shaming, for goodness sake I've even seen elf on the shelf shaming (and let me just say that I hate elf on the shelf with a fury second only to the fires of Mordor so I understand the dislike). Shame shame shame. Shame for me, shame from me. Lets all shove shame at each other like monkeys throwing their crap! Merry Christmas here is a big ol' bucket-o-shame.
Now I'm not talking about why you hate something or why discussing the benefits of a certain lifestyle, I am talking about openly attacking and belittling people who don't agree with you. I'm talking about making people feel like less of a human being because they are choosing to do something that is different.
Now this is a sore spot for me because I am a twenty something who doesn't want kids. So I often get a lot of very patronizing remarks that can basically be chalked up to the other person assuming I have flippantly decided not to birth offspring:
Blah blah blah young and foolish blah blah blah you'll change your mind blah blah blah the right person blah blah blah.
Now I could rant for pages and pages (and it would be a most beautiful rant; dripping with sarcasm and rife expertly crafted punchlines). But the truth is, everyone has that sore spot, that something that they always feel under attack for.
Why?
Well I'm no expert (but I'm really hoping you knew this) but I don't believe it stems from an inherent meanness. I think it's because we think we know better. We know what makes us happy and so logically it should make other people happy. That's why we make people feel bad for not having kids or having what we deem to be too many kids. It's why we make people feel bad for going to school or not going to school or placing a creepy, mildly sociopathic elf in their homes (ok that was a low blow I'm sorry, ignore me, enjoy your merriment).
Happiness is not a template. It doesn't look the same for everyone. What makes me happy might not make you happy. What is best for me might be what's worst for you. And that is ok, it doesn't mean one of us is better than the other, it just means we are different.
That is all.
BTW if you feel like I am shaming you for shaming others, I used "we" to signify that I too am ashamed of my shameless shamery of others.
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