Et Tu Café? (I'm not actually sure what the latin word for coffee is)

Hey Mom!

I am an emotional being.  Videos of dogs being united with their owners make me cry.  I don't really keep a diary but I do bottle things up until  I can cry while watching scrubs and process all the emotions swirling around in my little, tightly wound heart. And I shouldn't have to apologize for that. When the machines rise and take over the world (and they will rise and take over the world), everyone will blame themselves except me.  Why?  Because while other people will be disgusted at their own callousness I'll be over here like

"I told you 10 years ago that those robots were going to end up hurting someone's feelings. In fact, I find that my own feelings are still hurt that you didn't take the time to really listen to my concerns."

What I will apologize for is drinking coffee on an empty stomach. Caffeine typically doesn't affect me, I don't use it to pull all-nighters (I find intense fear of failure usually does the trick).  However, when my stomach is empty something terrifying yet magical happens. I suddenly become the saddest and happiest and angriest I've ever been in my entire existence.  For me all three of these emotions look the same: crying, lots and lots of ugly crying.

I know what you're thinking... Hey at least it could be worse right? Actually it is worse.  Because once I start crying it gets easier and easier to continue crying. Example is forthcoming:

"Hey are you ok?" I start crying.

"Oh no! What's wrong." I try to explain that nothing is wrong.  I cry harder.

"Oh are you on your period?" I become furious because even if I was on my period, WHY WOULD YOU THINK IM NOT IN COMPLETE CONTROL OF MY EMOTIONS?!?  I cry harder.

"I just want you to know I value our friendship and you can always come talk to me."  I am deeply touched by their compassionate response to my emotions.  I cry even harder.

Then usually I get myself under control for about 30 seconds until somebody looks in my general direction and I start crying again because I'm embarrassed that someone glanced down the hallway I happened to be walking down.

Now I  know I should know better.  I know better than to watch scary movies late at night.  I know better than to send my address to strangers.  I know better than to eat an entire block of cheese right before bed. But much like a game of pudgey bunny, I find myself unable to resist the allure of coffee regardless of the state of my gut.

That is all.


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