Hey Mom!

Hey Mom! So as promised this week is my dumb, bad, dumb cooking disaster... in fact it will be my final cooking disaster. I didn't think anything could be worse than the descaler incident  of 2014, I was wrong... very, very, VERY wrong. In an effort to expand my culinary skills, I cooked fish for the first time.  I thawed the fish in cold water because apparently that's a thing that people do for reasons that don't matter.  I cooked it until it was opaque. It was delicious.  I served it with rice. So all this goes off without a hitch so I think Finally! I've found a cooking thing that I can do! I must be a fish wizard.  With my newfound confidence, I got myself a goodnight's sleep and decided to try my hand at yet another piece of fish. Fish Wizard reporting for duty! What kind of magic will I work on this protein today? As the fish was thawing I noticed some fine print expires March 23rd 2013  Not a problem for the Wizard of Fish, because as everyone knows

Hey Mom! I was originally going to tell you about the straw that broke the camel's back aka the bad, dumb, bad thing I did that is my official retirement from the cooking world but I'm saving that for next week because it is GRAPHIC and you need a week to prepare yourself. So yesterday I learned how to change the oil in my car.  And let me tell you, it was a DISASTER... but like a fun disaster. Now this is something that I always thought every adult should be able to do this. And then I realized that I am, in fact, an adult who doesn't know how to change the oil in my car. Clearly I know exactly what I am doing.... Fast forward to me lying under my vehicle (station wagon because I am #SunglassesEmoji) unscrewing a bolt that is the only thing between myself and an ocean of motor oil. My brother opts for a hands-off teaching technique: "Make sure you have a tight grip on that bolt." Great! Instructions! I love following instructions. I make sure I have

Hey Mom, I hadn't planned on commenting on the shooting that took place in Orlando.  Not because I don't care, but because sometimes when something awful happens it is best just to say nothing.  Say nothing and stop.  Stop and recognize that at least 50 people lost their lives. But we want answers. We want a solution and so we don't stop.  We point fingers at gun regulations and religion. Not only do we point fingers, but we want to debate those issues now. In this moment. Social media has become a war zone of blame. In a time when we should be coming together we are falling apart. Did the shooter ascribe to a very extremist religious group? Yes (emphasis on extremist, having been denounced by many muslim groups across North America and Europe). Did gun regulations make it easier for the shooter to acquire weapons? Yes. Should there be further debate about gun laws? Yes.   But now is not the time.  Because it doesn't come down to gun laws or extremist groups.

Hey Mom! I'm just going to say it cooking is emotionally destabilizing. I know what you are thinking Mack, you are so hilarious and funny and insincere. I AM BEING SERIOUS. It's demoralizing. I go from zero to questioning my worth as a human being faster than you can yell G rease fire!   Now, as a grown real-live adult, I realize that I need to have this skill. But the least the cooking world could do is HELP ME! Firstly, recipes say to add oil... oh oil? That's a super useful piece of information.  Is it canola? Olive? Motor? What on earth is vegetable oil?!?! Olives are a vegetable? Aren't they?!? Secondly, people (and the internet) keep feeding me bad intel! I give you the tale of the egg noodles (complete with photographic evidence). My coworker (Vern) told me about making homemade pasta... "It's easy." he said.. "Anyone can do it!" he said. So I thought I'm anyone... I can do it!  So I carefully write down everything he said.  An