How to Be Productive!

Hey Mom!

 So I've figured out this whole 'self-motivation' thing. You're welcome! I know what you're thinking Mack, many people with more education, life experience and good looks than you have been studying the art of motivation for decades! How have you accomplished such a feat?!? The short answer is that I have turned to chemical enhancement. The long answer is forthcoming!

 Steps to a Productive Day:

  1. Get up! This is probably the hardest part for most people. I like to promise myself food or set a really loud and scary alarm clock.
  2. Waste most of your day! This is definitely the easiest part. Lately I've been playing a lot of Pocket Camp which (while incredibly empowering) is a complete and utter waste of my time. There are so many other more better things I could be doing! But planting my butt on the couch and draining the hours away on a bit of Pocket Camp reaallly drains those long hours out of my day.
    This is my character: she is zany and has green hair.... This is also the face I make when I'm trying to pretend to have fun.
  3. Drink an energy drink on an empty stomach! I know what you're thinking Mack, won't that destroy my stomach and give me heart palpitations? The answer is yes, productivity palpitations. If you can't sit still, you can't be lazy.
  4. Put on some jams! You know what your heart palpitations need? A bit of base drum! Get the tunes pumping like your poor, poor, cardiovascular system.
  5. Live your best life. I sang, I danced, I ate a lot of cheese and cleaned my kitchen. I also had the confidence to pretend to try a new hairstyle. Productivity (ie chemical enhancement via a Monster energy drink) can give you the self-esteem to be your best, most whimsical self.
Listen, this week has not been great in terms of productivity but yesterday I followed these steps. Not only did I make it to the gym, I ACTUALLY WORKED OUT! <--- sometimes I just mess around on the cardio equipment and lip sync to my favourite songs.

 So if you're having a tough time, give your caboose a boost with some super juice (to be clear, I do not mean steroids.... I mean an energy drink.... because that's what I've been talking about this whole time).

 That is all.



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