The Backhanded Compliment of Food
Hey Mom!
I am a curious being. You know this. One of my many curiosities is health food. I like the idea that there is some combination of proteins, lipids and carbs out there that will transform me into a super human. I also often wonder why on earth all the super veggies taste like poison. You guys, we have adapted over many, many, maaaaany years to survive by not touching things that are hot and washing our hands after we use the bathroom. So when I made lunch today and my body screamed "No, no, this is poison, no!" I had to stop and wonder whether this was my primal instincts trying to save me from myself.
Now I love vegetables! But mostly the run-of-the-mill ones like tomatoes, iceberg lettuce and cucumbers. How am I supposed to reach my true form if I don't delve into the undesirables of the produce aisle? I'm talking arugula, wheat grass and rapini.
For those of you who don't know, rapini is an abomination that is related to broccoli
What's worse is that the internet if full of lies about how it compliments other food and how you can actually enjoy eating it. Rapini is a backhanded compliment to other foods.
"Mmmm you are so sweet! Well, at least when you're paired with my unbearable bitterness."
I am a curious being. You know this. One of my many curiosities is health food. I like the idea that there is some combination of proteins, lipids and carbs out there that will transform me into a super human. I also often wonder why on earth all the super veggies taste like poison. You guys, we have adapted over many, many, maaaaany years to survive by not touching things that are hot and washing our hands after we use the bathroom. So when I made lunch today and my body screamed "No, no, this is poison, no!" I had to stop and wonder whether this was my primal instincts trying to save me from myself.
Now I love vegetables! But mostly the run-of-the-mill ones like tomatoes, iceberg lettuce and cucumbers. How am I supposed to reach my true form if I don't delve into the undesirables of the produce aisle? I'm talking arugula, wheat grass and rapini.
For those of you who don't know, rapini is an abomination that is related to broccoli
BUT
(and as you can see, it's a big but), it is full of the vitamin K and calcium and a bunch of other stuff that sounds very important. Here is something else you may not know: RAPINI TASTES LIKE TERRIBLE LIFE CHOICES. I'm serious! It's as if it was possessed by the ghosts of Christmas past but imbued with all the raw strength of a solar-powered David Suzuki. That's the flavour of rapini.What's worse is that the internet if full of lies about how it compliments other food and how you can actually enjoy eating it. Rapini is a backhanded compliment to other foods.
"Oh hey pork you look good.... for the third worst protein."
-Rapini
"Mmmm you are so sweet! Well, at least when you're paired with my unbearable bitterness."
-Rapini
"You could totally be a food model if they knew someone who was really handy with photoshop"
-Rapini
 |
| I really like your glaze! It covers up how overcooked you are. Kisses! -Rapini |
I don't care if it's the secret to eternal life, rapini is not worth the trauma my gustatory cells went through today. I will continue to take my multivitamins and eat peanut butter toast.
That is all.
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