Masked and on the Run

Hey Mom!

BEFORE I say anything else let me just say the following: I'm going to talk about social distancing and wearing a mask when that distancing can't be maintained in this post. If you're thinking Wow what a great opportunity for me to chime in about how stupid that is and Mack, you just need to RELAX already. Go away. If you have decided not to practice social distancing, I am not going to lecture you or engage in the same discourse I've had 1000 times but I do not have the energy to listen to you explain why the rules don't apply to you. Find another corner of the internet, I am having absolutely none of it.

So I went running with a mask on today because one of the spots I like to frequent has a couple tight corners and so sometimes it's tough to maintain 2 metres if someone is approaching from the opposite direction and you don't see them because you are staring at the ground trying to remember what could've possibly possessed you to decide to go running at 6am. 

BUT (and it is a big but), then my nose started to run. Don't touch your mask. I reminded myself. You cannot pull down the mask until you are done using it. I figured at some point my mask would just absorb some of my face fluid... it did not. At this point, enough snot has accumulated that I can't breathe through my nose anymore and I am starting to feel like I'm suffocating. Like truly and honestly suffocating. 

So now I start looking for a loophole because I know I can't take the mask off until my hands are clean and I don't want to take off a sweat soaked mask and then try to put it back on my face.

• Would I be willing to stick a tree branch under my mask? 
• Should I try to breathe through my nose hard enough to push the mask off my face? 
• Could I dislocate my shoulder and remove the mask with my elbow?

At this point my heart is RACING and I know what you're thinking; Mack, why didn't you just breathe through your mouth? The thing is... I was breathing through my mouth JUST FINE. I was not oxygen deprived. 

So I did what anyone locked in a fight or flight response would do. I sprinted the last part of my run so I could clean my hands and take the mask off. Then I folded that sweat and mucous soaked mask and put it in my pocket like the disgusting font of nostril juice that I am. 

Pros: You can totes trick people into thinking you are good looking.
Cons: Between the sweat, the snot and the zits, your face will actually be a war zone.

I like to think I am a fairly resilient individual but I think we can all agree that after the events of today that is not the case.

That is all.