Hey Mom!

Hey Mom! So I attended my first Lindy Hop workshop this weekend and I have a few things to say but before I say those things I would like to preface them as indicated by the following change of font: If you want to try a new activity and you're scared people will be complete trash-goblins toward you because you're new, swing dancing is a pretty good place to start. I've been to social dances in Lethbridge, Calgary and Edmonton so far and everyone I have encountered has been super amiable (and patient) and welcoming (and patient) with the exception of ONE GUY who was still amiable and patient, just a little too confident in his "complete spatial awareness" also all the people we bumped into on the dance floor were extremely gracious about being jostled.  Aaaaanyway, I decided to attend Spring Fling this year and I have a few anecdotes/advice (probably bad advice but if you've been here before, you know this) for anyone who was like me and thought If I go,...

Hey Mom! So I recently found myself staring into the eyes of an armadillo-shaped disco ball thinking How did I end up here? Turns out they have concerts on weekdays (who knew?) and turns out I have a friend who wanted to attend such an event. Meet Laura ( hiiiiii Lauwwwwhraaa ), it was Laura's birthday and so she wanted to go to a concert. As I happen to be in close proximity to her, I was invited along. At first, I said no thank you. You see, Laura is an extrovert, meaning she loves just hanging out in densely populated areas. I know what you're thinking: Mack, this Laura woman sounds like a hoot! You're not wrong but I am most definitely, not an extrovert. Now I've mentioned it at least a dozen times here but I will say it again: introverted does NOT mean shy, it means you need time by yourself to recharge. So when I say I'm introverted what I really mean is PEOPLE ARE EXHAUSTING. Generally speaking, people are surprised when I say I'm introverted becau...

Hey Mom! Until recently, I had not been clothes shopping since 2014. I know what you're thinking Mack, you love the mall! Yeah I do because there's a NEW YORK FRIES there! But with my  wizening with age, I am attempting to pursue a sunnier disposition whilst educating the youths. So I have carefully profiled the perfect shopping battle buddy which I will share with you now: The most important thing is that you shop with someone who is a bit mean. Now, Mom, given that you’ve gone with me twice in the past week or so, your feelings may be a bit hurt. But have no fear Mom, (also please don’t put me up for adoption). To clarify, this person is going to seem mean because nothing stings like “Hey those pants make you look like a lion tamer” when you’ve finally worked up the courage to try something on after two hours of walking into stores, looking around and saying None of this will look good on me so there’s no point on even trying… I'm basically an urchin. But trus...

Hey Mom! I attempted a prank on my Dad early this morning... it didn't exactly go according to plan: So it is technically April Fool's Day (12:14am) I'm writing this because I'm currently plotting. I know what you're thinking: You should be doing school work. I know that and you know that... but if we don't talk about it's almost like it's not there.  For those of you who don't know, I used to prank my Dad every year until I went too far (I must never speak of it again). So I decided to retire before someone got hurt or I got written out of the will. But seeing as this is the last year I'll be living with my parents for the foreseeable future, I've decided to bring it back for one last hurrah.  As we speak the jello (containing his car keys) is setting, once it's done I will insert a picture here: Notice that this is not car keys in jello.... that is because the jello never set. Now I'm going to go tell my Dad I need to...

Hey Mom! So I like the idea of natural remedies. The idea of limited side effects and being able to brag about how much better I am than you on Facebook... What? I'M KIDDING (if you're offended by this take some peppermint extract and shove it where the sun don't shine). It just seems like if I could solve a problem at home with a bit of lemon juice and garlic instead of sitting in a crowded waiting room, being contagious and being contaged upon, why wouldn't I? So I did some research, I started at forums to find articles, I went to articles and found an array of doctors and naturopaths who seemed credible. Then when I went to the doctor to get a throat swab to test for strep throat and she told me that the recovery time was the same with or without antibiotics. So I think to myself, well while I am waiting for this throat swab I might as well try out a few of these remedies!  So this is day oneish: As you can see it is uncomfortable but not horrendous. So I di...

Hey Mom! So I've been waiting until everything is nearly certain to write about this because: a. I didn't want to jinx it. b. Getting all the classes I needed amidst prerequisite waivers and cancellations has been sad and stressful. Now that we're over halfway in the semester and I haven't been in a car accident, plummeted into depression, transferred schools, moved cities or failed any tests I feel reasonable comfortable imagining a world where I graduate in June(ish). Every now and again I have what I like to call  grad-monitions which is basically a premonition of what life will be like out in the real world (you know, until I go back to school in a year). I would like to share these with you in the coming weeks as I sort out my life. Grad-monition #1:  Living in one spot for more than 8 months. I am a human tumbleweed, except not in the cool, old western way. It's more like the dumpster fire, fuelled by garbage juice and good intentions, that got s...

Hey Mom! So I'm not going to talk about minecraft today for two reasons: 1. It's my Dad's birthday. 2. I'm scared that it's the only reason you come back is to hear about minecraft and once I talk about it you'll leave and I'll be alone again :( So I thought about what to write about: my upbringing, my Dad's upbringing, your upbringing. Then I realized the only upbringing I'm going to do is bringing up my passport photo. At the turn of the season as summer gave way to autumn, I realized I needed to renew my passport. Apparently so did my Dad. So we piled into the car with my mom and head to our local Shopper's drug mart to get new photos done. And it is at this point that the normal ends. Firstly, they take your passport photo right in the middle of the store.  There is no photo centre, there is no alcove to hide your hideous passport hair. That's right they put a white pop-up background behind you and just snap your photo. So w...

Hey Mom! Have you ever just known that something was it? Like walking into a store and knowing a shirt was going to be a great fit before you even tried it on (and by "fit" I mean fit into my budget because let's be honest, who cares about anything else). Well this, this post is the one. The one where I go too far and say too much. Here's the one.  It's about bras. Now if you are a male or just prefer to free-boob it you might want to skip over this one but, I figure if you've read this blog before you've already read about my multiple brushes with food-poisoning so the breast is pretty mild (Did you SEE what I did there?!? Because the post is about chest nuggets). I got fitted for a bra recently. Now, whenever someone had suggested it in the past I imagined some sort of large, medieval looking clamp so my response was usually "Nah, I'll just eyeball it." When the woman at the store asked me if the lady buckets I was trying on fit and I s...

Hey Mom! So I know it's been awhile (I'm sure you're all relieved) but I'm back (sorry) and this is the 100th post on this blog which I thought was special until I realized I probably posted 100 times on my first one within the first year (I was really lonely and also not taking real courses). Also I think it's important to note that I also have 34 drafts... do you know what that means? It means 34 times I had the discretion to say this... this is actually too much. You're welcome. Today I'd like to tell you a Christmas tale of peril and triumph... of despair and relief. My family decided to head to Calgary for a few days. So I loaded up my red Christmas-mobile and hit the road. The roads were bad. I knew they were bad. I knew I would have to leave early and drive slowly. I knew that my hands would hurt after from gripping the steering wheel. And I knew that even my hilarious podcasts could not provide sufficient merriment to drive the unease that had ...

Hey Mom! So this week everything went off the rails... my room is a disaster, my backpack is a disaster, the counter is a disaster, the floor is a disaster, my notes are a disaster,  and my desktop is a disaster. This is just what you can see from the door way but it's pretty much a minefield. What you can't see is the pound of crumbs that cushions all my books with greasy tenderness Please note to 2 dozen minimized windows. Basically I'm like a slug except I leave disaster in my wake instead of slime (although I've been sick all week so that's not untrue either). Now, I know what you're thinking: Mack, how can you live like this?  Well, sometimes I walk around with my eyes closed so I don't have to deal with egregious nature of my mess making. I know it's weird but sometimes I find messes comforting, it's like an extension of my internal stress. So I take a look at the mess and think Yep, that's how I feel... finally a clus...