Embracing Bad Days
Hey Mom!
The past few months have been strange, if you had asked me in September how I though this year was going to turn out I would have painted a picture almost completely opposite to the one I see now. And for the most part I think that's a good thing.
Truthfully this year has been really difficult in a lot of ways, aspects of my life I have never struggled with before I struggle with now. Sometimes going for days at a time feeling nothing but the emptiness that has resonated with me. I even began to embrace the hollow feeling because feeling nothing is easier than feeling a little bit of everything. The problem with that mentality of course is that nothing means anything to you anymore, you become nothing more than a prop to the people living around you. Suddenly I found myself the understudy in my own life and I didn't know how to take back center stage.
I realized that reentering the lead role takes time and just because you've had one good day doesn't mean the bad days are gone forever. You have to take on each scene individually. Sometimes it feels terribly awkward to take command of your own stage. Bad days convince you that you are helpless and that you are not good enough to step into the spotlight. And so you shy away, you put on a mask and sing with the chorus.
Now all this sounds really terrible and you'll notice I've taken the time to bold a phrase that states quite the opposite. The reason for this is that there is excitement to be had at the theatre! This experience has made me look at my life and reevaluate every decision I have made since high school and guess what? I am happy to own every one I've made, not because they were all necessarily the right choice but because they were my choices. And if those choices have lead me here where I am writing about things that are close to my heart for no other reason than I believe that what I have to say matters. And what you have to say matters too! Embrace the good days and be honest about the bad days! The most moving performances stem from true emotion.
So here is my honesty, I have no idea what is going to happen in the next month. My life could go in one of fifty directions and that is absolutely terrifying. But it's also thrilling because for the first time in my life I am planning for more than one path and that is like living a build-your-own-adventure story.
That is all.
The past few months have been strange, if you had asked me in September how I though this year was going to turn out I would have painted a picture almost completely opposite to the one I see now. And for the most part I think that's a good thing.
Truthfully this year has been really difficult in a lot of ways, aspects of my life I have never struggled with before I struggle with now. Sometimes going for days at a time feeling nothing but the emptiness that has resonated with me. I even began to embrace the hollow feeling because feeling nothing is easier than feeling a little bit of everything. The problem with that mentality of course is that nothing means anything to you anymore, you become nothing more than a prop to the people living around you. Suddenly I found myself the understudy in my own life and I didn't know how to take back center stage.
I realized that reentering the lead role takes time and just because you've had one good day doesn't mean the bad days are gone forever. You have to take on each scene individually. Sometimes it feels terribly awkward to take command of your own stage. Bad days convince you that you are helpless and that you are not good enough to step into the spotlight. And so you shy away, you put on a mask and sing with the chorus.
Now all this sounds really terrible and you'll notice I've taken the time to bold a phrase that states quite the opposite. The reason for this is that there is excitement to be had at the theatre! This experience has made me look at my life and reevaluate every decision I have made since high school and guess what? I am happy to own every one I've made, not because they were all necessarily the right choice but because they were my choices. And if those choices have lead me here where I am writing about things that are close to my heart for no other reason than I believe that what I have to say matters. And what you have to say matters too! Embrace the good days and be honest about the bad days! The most moving performances stem from true emotion.
So here is my honesty, I have no idea what is going to happen in the next month. My life could go in one of fifty directions and that is absolutely terrifying. But it's also thrilling because for the first time in my life I am planning for more than one path and that is like living a build-your-own-adventure story.
That is all.
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