Saving Guilt
Hey Mom!
Why do we blame ourselves for the things that are not our fault?
What is it that makes us choose to hold on to shame that we don't own?
Our hearts latch on and feed from the guilt as if it's keeping us alive. Maybe it is. Maybe taking the blame for something outside of our control gives us control. Maybe feeling guilt is better than feeling helpless. Perhaps the knowledge that terrible things happen and there is nothing we can do to alter the course is so frightening that we would rather live hating ourselves. Hindsight is not always 20x20, hindsight is selective, it is guided by what we want to see. And we want to see guilt, we want to see that we had a hand in what happened. All the "if only"s and "I should have"s amount to us reaching for anything to slow our free fall.
And perhaps this will keep us alive, for a time. But guilt is a paramedic, it can patch us up for a little while but in the end what we need is a surgeon. Someone who can take the time to mend our shattered bones, broken hearts and damaged minds. Hanging on to guilt is like holding on to the stretcher; we are living but we are confined. Guilt cannot rehabilitate us. We need to let go of the stretcher and get into surgery so we can stop being sick of ourselves.
We know this. What we don't know is how.
That is all.
Why do we blame ourselves for the things that are not our fault?
What is it that makes us choose to hold on to shame that we don't own?
Our hearts latch on and feed from the guilt as if it's keeping us alive. Maybe it is. Maybe taking the blame for something outside of our control gives us control. Maybe feeling guilt is better than feeling helpless. Perhaps the knowledge that terrible things happen and there is nothing we can do to alter the course is so frightening that we would rather live hating ourselves. Hindsight is not always 20x20, hindsight is selective, it is guided by what we want to see. And we want to see guilt, we want to see that we had a hand in what happened. All the "if only"s and "I should have"s amount to us reaching for anything to slow our free fall.
And perhaps this will keep us alive, for a time. But guilt is a paramedic, it can patch us up for a little while but in the end what we need is a surgeon. Someone who can take the time to mend our shattered bones, broken hearts and damaged minds. Hanging on to guilt is like holding on to the stretcher; we are living but we are confined. Guilt cannot rehabilitate us. We need to let go of the stretcher and get into surgery so we can stop being sick of ourselves.
We know this. What we don't know is how.
That is all.
Comments
Post a Comment