The decent, the pathetic and the downright moronic!

Hey Mom!

So while you have all been doing productive things with your lives I have been redefining the parameters of blogdom as we know it!  If you click on the Top Ten Lists it will bring you to EVERY top 10 list in the history of Hey Mom! but wait there's more!  All these posts come with tags so you can look up related posts (eg. all my lists from the Olds College days).

I realize in an earlier post I said my first two years of blogging were really pathetic and whiny but I got a great deal of enjoyment going through these old posts looking for top 10 lists.  Seeing the world through 18 year old me was kind of like talking to someone who is either really naive or very sarcastic and perhaps slightly deranged  I was repeatedly surprised at how quickly I formed opinions about things I knew nothing about (and you know I thought I sounded so intelligent when in fact I was really just being obnoxious). But I won't bore you with my trip down memory lane, instead I have brought you…..

The Best and Worst Things I Posted on my Blog at 18 Years of Age!

"Happy Birthday Taylor, I am sorry my harmonica birthday song was so terrible."

"Ok so I have no tact when it comes to diffusing awkward situations, so I literally said "awkward" and walked away"

"If you hang out with beatniks you too shall become a beatnik"

"Dear Cafeteria, I know those are Rice Krispies in the Special K container, you are not fooling anyone!"

"It's cold and flu season... make sure you don't get stabbed"

"So quick holiday update, I watched Annie and HATED it."

"Do you have any change or alcohol? ...I have 38 cents and some hydrogen peroxide"

"So it's icy, windy and to make things worse somewhere in the not-too-distant darkness there is a herd of cows mocking me."

"Me (from the back corner of the class): "Only a Sith deals in absolutes

[insert dead silence aside from me killing myself laughing]"

"I AM GOING TO ATTEMPT TO CONVINCE MY CLASSMATES TO BECOME SUPERHEROES!!!"

"…if I did that I would be wearing a travel cloak with perhaps some light chain mail underneath"

"I think I've been eating gum too, not chewing, eating gum."

"I have been in a steady downward spiral and by steady I mean steep and rocky with the occasional smattering of broken glass laced with lemon juice."

"If you put PAM on all your dishes they are super easy to wash"

"College is the easiest thing ever invented…"

"No I am not crying I just got something in my eye... and I have seasonal allergies... and I am eating an onion"

"BAM Sunny D tsunami in the face."

"...not that I was particularly graceful beforehand but at least I could sort of speed lumber down the court"

"Well Mom I imagine you can feel a scream building in the back of your throat at the thought of me cooking"

"Why? because I spent all my worthless time creating it and the least you can do is pretend to click on it"

"I don't know what's worse having all this pent up rage or getting upset over an email. "

"I would say I think this caused our neighbours to lose respect for us but I am pretty sure that happened a couple of years ago when they saw me sitting on the shed in a paper towel beard reenacting part of the book of Acts for a Sunday school lesson."

"I happened to glance in the mirror and decided maybe I should do something less odd than mow down on peanut butter in the semidarkness."

"I felt like I had just walked into a western I was ready to challenge him to pistols at dawn, but then I realized that dawn is too early and I have the reflexes of a cabbage."

"How about you outfit that bad boy with a couple turrets and a moat full of sharks and we'll see who can destroy it overnight."

"I have this reoccurring nightmare about oompa loompas chasing me."

"...the first thing that comes out of my mouth is "HEY! What's wrong with you that is not FDA approved"... "

"People who make comments that are so dumb you feel like if you replied it would be the equivalent of tripping a blind kid." 

"...I am leaned over the sink wheezing because I never got to my inhaler, running a jersey under cold water, muttering "Please come out", I think I saw an episode of criminal minds that started like that."

So there you have it folks, some of the best and worst moments of my life are summed up in the above quotes. I will try to get to my second year of college next week and see if there are any nuggets of wisdom 19 year-old Mackenzie has to share… or if I said any outrageously stupid things that you might get a kick out of.

That is all.