Hey Mom!

Hey Mom! So it's that time of year again, finals are coming, life decisions are being made.  My life feels more and more like it's contained in a pressure cooker and someone keeps turning up the heat. And during these moments of seemingly infinite stress it's easy to let go.  I'm not talking about letting go of personal hygiene or normal eating patterns or the concept of sleep or any other standard you might hold yourself to (but I mean who hasn't worn the same pair of sweatpants a few days in a row during finals? Oh that's just me... ok well this is awkward).   I am talking about letting go of your happiness. It's easy to be unhappy, it's easy to find things to complain about, it's easy to wish that things were different.  It's hard to be happy.  Happiness goes against every fibre of my being.  My instincts say that nothing good ever stays good and if you are happy you are probably about to have your world ripped out from under your fee

I don't exactly have the words to describe how I feel today.  The sobriety that comes with Remembrance Day is also mixed with a degree of frustration.  I'm frustrated because I don't fully understand what it means to remember the fallen.  I can remember names and faces and stories but I have never been there.  I've never gotten a letter or a phone call or had to come to terms with the idea that someone I love is leaving and might not come back.  The sadness that I feel when I think about the lives cut short, the immense sacrifice made to provide my freedom, is nothing compared to the friends and family left to wonder What if....?  So if I haven't lived it what exactly am I remembering? I remember to live thankfully.  Thankful that I am not only entitled to but guaranteed a certain level of education.  Thankful that my voice means something in Canada. I also remember that freedom is not free.  Freedom has a cost. Freedom is not cheap or easy or permanent.  The

Hey Mom! You know what I just realized.  Things are good again.  I knew that someday things would be good again.  I knew that the way I felt this past year wouldn't last forever.  I knew I would recover and move on and heal.  I didn't know that all at once I'd realize things are good. I'm tutoring which I love. I'm in the middle of two big pieces of writing both of which bring me so much joy. I auditioned for a webseries and we start filming this week. I started my very own Etsy page and I get to create things which is something I've wanted to do for a very long time but never had the confidence or the time. I wrote an open letter Bob Saget and I didn't care that is was completely and utterly weird because it was funny and it was something I wanted to do so I did it. I rode my bike in a Thor costume and wasn't even mortified. I am so very fortunate to be able to do all these things.  Things I love doing, things that make me smile.  Things