Hey Mom!

Hey Mom! So I've been waiting until everything is nearly certain to write about this because: a. I didn't want to jinx it. b. Getting all the classes I needed amidst prerequisite waivers and cancellations has been sad and stressful. Now that we're over halfway in the semester and I haven't been in a car accident, plummeted into depression, transferred schools, moved cities or failed any tests I feel reasonable comfortable imagining a world where I graduate in June(ish). Every now and again I have what I like to call  grad-monitions which is basically a premonition of what life will be like out in the real world (you know, until I go back to school in a year). I would like to share these with you in the coming weeks as I sort out my life. Grad-monition #1:  Living in one spot for more than 8 months. I am a human tumbleweed, except not in the cool, old western way. It's more like the dumpster fire, fuelled by garbage juice and good intentions, that got s...

Hey Mom! HAPPY BLOGGIVERSARY! Let us take pause and recall last 5 years...the laughter, the tears, all those times I had diarrhea and told you too much. Good times. September. A new start to an old beginning. Still working on an undergrad degree and guess what this is my last year of the aforementioned degree (providing I don't smash my face through a car window and forget how to read or, you know, get distracted). So what should we expect during this fine September? Excitement? Sure! The thrill of learning? Absolutely. The icy grip of depression that crushes the sun into the horizon line until winter arrives and daylight ceases to exist? You bet! But you know what? After a summer of acquiring adult abilities (ALLITERATION 4x MULTIPLIER) I've learned that all the things you thought were the end of the world are not, in fact, the end of the world. When I was 13, the end of the world was my sister wearing the same colour denim as me. When I was 16, the end of the world...

Hey Mom! Is it wrong to offer a stranger Pepto-Bismol? I've been thinking about this a lot over the past two days... mostly because this girl was yarfing in the bathroom and I said to myself I should offer her some pepto!  Don't get me wrong I wasn't like Yo lady, want a swig o' the pink stuff? They are chew tabs that I happen to keep in my backpack (for reasons that don't concern you...I am after all a lady). On a completely unrelated note, sometimes ladies get diarrhea. Aaaaanyway, I was standing there (post whiz) thinking about whether it's weirder to offer good ol' PB to a stranger.  I mean it's definitely weird to pass chew tabs under a bathroom stall but which is weirder?  In the end, it didn't matter because while I was standing there musing about the nature of anti-nauseant exchanges she left. So to recap: 1. I am an awful human being who didn't even ask this woman if she was alright. 2. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S GOOD IN T...

Hey Mom! So it's three weeks into the semester and we are about to head into the 1st worst week (rhyming adjectives bonus x 1000) .  Midterms are coming, papers are about to be due and we are starting to forget about all the hopes and dreams we had at Christmas.  Part of this is because we are all in school, working, making futurey-adult decisions and applying for summer jobs (except me I have a job... I think).  But the main reason is that our profs keep asking us, stupid, stupid questions thus slowly driving us insane. It's been awhile since I've done a top ten list (I'm still bitter that BuzzFeed took off while my private shaw webspace blog went unnoticed), but I'm back and ready to participate in the generation of numbered lists. Top Ten Inappropriate Questions to Pose to a University Student What are your plans for the future? Well I've forgotten what human food tastes like and I haven't slept in two days but somebody  keeps giving us assign...

Hey Mom! So I am sitting in a room full of brightly coloured plastic chairs on wheels and I think that I may have truly lost my mind. Look at this chaos:    A few key features of what I am calling "The Crayola Disaster Unit": slide out cup holder ooooooh Wheels that do not lock in place  aaaaaah Weird penguin armrest things uuuuuuh? For those of you who are not aware, I was (am) that person who needed (needs) to sit in the same seat every class (also I should clarify that by needs I don't mean in a medical condition kind of way -- i.e. OCD-- I mean that I'm a very tightly wound individual and I find solace in assigned seating arrangements).  Anyway, now I can't even sit in the same seat every time because the seats are not fixed, so I have to settle for getting a red Crayola Disaster Unit every time but guess what? That sounds really infantile!  So now I have to pretend like I don't care what colour chair I get (even though I fluffin...

Hey Mom! So once again I did not die on the first day of school!  What I am consistently surprised by, is how often smart people can be so stupid.  One of profs spent a bunch of time (squiggly equal sign 20 minutes) talking about how much research he has done in learning styles, how he is using a revolutionary lecture structure AND how he puts everything on the internet because knowledge should be free. And immediately-directly-within-the-same-breath (redundancy points x 1000) he tells us we need to purchase (with our actual money) a textbook that he wrote!  Does nobody see the problem here?!? Am I losing my mind? Is he trolling us? I think he is trolling us.  He has to be trolling us.  Right? Please, please tell me that this is some sort of sick joke. Please (just imagine like a sugar glider or a puppy with eyes welling with tears) tell me there is some reason left in these cavernous halls. Just as an aside.... sometimes I wish I was born in the victorian...

Hey Mom! First day of a new semester means so many things.  Firstly, all my new years resolutions with be immediately nixed.  Secondly, I will be on sleep withdrawal for the first two weeks of class (symptoms include increased caffeine intake, irritability and inability to accept emotional hardship).  It also means for the next 24 hours or so I will be gripped with a constant, nauseating anxiety.  Let me paint a picture of my madness for you: I am worried. What if I go to the wrong classes? What if I forget a pen? What if I accidentally registered in the wrong class? What if the class suddenly ceases to exist? What if the entire university is a fake like that movie I saw that one time? What if everyone in my life is actually trolling me an whenever I leave the room they just laugh and laugh? WHOA, whoa I need to calm down. I am nervous. What if my classes are too difficult? What if I buy the textbook early but don't use it? What if I wait t...

Hey Mom! Ok I am giving myself 10 minutes to write this... Ready? Go! HAPPY BLOGGIVERSARY! Now I know we normally celebrate the last weekend of August but this year has been nothing but madness so far so we will have to do cake next Thursday!  Currently I am less than a week away from my MCAT exam, taking 5 classes (3 of which have labs), working and pursuing my dream as a modern day bard.  So basically I am really busy being unsuccessful at multitasking. Now it takes a special kind of talent to be going into my 5th year of a 4 year degree so let me pass on my wisdom to you: TOP TEN UNIVERSITY SUCCESS TIPS 1. Do not transfer schools, it is the equivalent of burning money. 2. Do not smash your head through the passenger window while someone rolls the car... your brain does not appreciate the hostility and will seek revenge via headaches and forgetting literally every thing you need to remember. 3.Being in university is like paying someone to punch you in the stoma...

Hey Mom, So my job searching while fruitless has given me the chance to really think about a resume.  It's the best parts of us.  It's our skills and experiences that equip us for whatever work we are looking for.  Then I thought what if resumes were completely honest about everything?  What if our resumes showed a more well rounded picture of our lives?  Hang on to your hats kids because I have done just that. Cover Letter: To Whom It May Concern: My name is Mack and I'm looking for a summer job that pays pretty well and hopefully is casual.  It's not that I don't have business attire it's just that when I get dressed in the morning I really worry about betraying my gender in the workplace (Should I wear pants that fit because I am a fierce independent woman that is not ashamed of my atypical body type or should I wear a men's suit because I don't ascribe to gender stereotypes?), so if everyone just wears jeans and a t-shirt it makes my life muc...

Hey Mom! Now that the only sport I play is Wii Tennis (bowling is too hard, boxing is exhausting and quite frankly, golf is stupid) and I need to find brand new ways to take control of my fitness... yes I have joined the ranks of mere mortals and now need to motivate myself to exercise: Top Ten Reasons to Work Out 1. Serial killers exist: Think about that next time you decide to go for a run,  fleeing imminent death cardio is next level. 2. Groceries: specifically having to make two whole trips after a large grocery run (I'm looking at you Costco), I'd rather die... at the gym so I never have to enter into the purgatory that is two-trip groceries. 3. You never know when you'll have to win an arm wrestle: seriously wars have been won and lost, nations conquered or defeated all because of poor fitness. 4. Ya Mama shouldn't be able to lift more weight than you... she's frail 5 .Combatting butt disease:  What happens when you find yourself in a situat...

Hey Mom! I have went from Lethbridge to Vancouver to Calgary to Edmonton this week.  I smell like roadkill and I have a zit the size of the Michigan under my nose. I believe the zit is a metaphor for my current state of affairs... Under a ton of pressure and oozing fluid. Anyway.   today I went from Calgary to Edmonton to visit my brother's puppy.... I mean my brother....'s puppy..... dang it. We headed back to Calgary from whence my sister and I continued on to Lethbridge.  Or at least we attempted to.  It suddenly turned to winter and we are currently stranded in Claresholm. It's not so bad.  We found motel room in this teeny-wiener town and there are flamingos, grizzly bears and cacti on the comforters (down right neato if you ask me).  The drunk gentleman attempting to steal a vaccuum from the front desk was very polite.... staring at someone without saying a word for three straight minutes is polite right?  It's cold enough out that the Chine...

Dear Epson Printer, You're the worst.  I've given this relationship everything I have but I'm tired.  Tired of doing the little things like replacing your ink cartridges and making sure you have any size and density paper you could ask for. Until today that has all been worth it.  All the fighting and paper jams and ridiculously expensive ink, I was happy to work things out. Until today.  Today I realized that the problem wasn't the ink.  You had plenty of ink.  You are a greedy and ungrateful printer,. I have needs.  And today I paid 11 cents to have those needs met by communal printer at the library.   You could've been my one and only Epson Printer... I would've been faithful to you until the ends of the earth. I will not cry any more tears because of you Epson Printer.  I've had enough yesterdays and given up too many tomorrows.  We're done. Sincerely, Mackenzie T Judd

Hey Mom! So if you've never had the pleasure of sweating through a pair of jeans and a hoodie boy do I have an anecdote for you! After I returned from beautiful, warm Cuba.  I got a beautiful warm flu (I even got projectile vomit and diarrhea! Yay for dehydration).  So like the mentally tough person I am, I laid in bed and cried and wheezed. On Tuesday I wrote my MCAT and headed for Lethbridge so I could go to class all evening. So I walked in to my first class and someone sits beside me and starts asking how my day is and if I like this class, and just generally being a good human being.  Meanwhile, I can't breathe and my nose is oozing and my intestines feel like someone is trying to twist them int0 balloon animals. Class starts. Class finishes.  My fever sweat has soaked through all my clothes and when I stand up to push my chair in.... full body sweat print.  So at this point I realize I have to follow gym protocol and wipe this chair down... excep...

Hey Mom! So it's 3 am and I thought it would be appropriate to talk about weird personal stuff on the internet! Just kidding!  We all know it's better to talk about weird personal stuff during peak social media use It's just been awhile since I've done a top ten list because I feel like it's not my thing anymore it's Buzzfeed's thing.  Also I think I've been taking myself too seriously on this blog lately.   Ever since I accidentally poisoned myself with coffee pot descaler, I've been grappling with my own mortality etc, etc. So here is a return to the absurd and fantastic and cartoonishly awkward misadventures of Mackenzie T Judd.... Top 10 Things I Am Maybe Probably Addicted To 1. Tetris.  I've mentioned it before but it's a legitimate problem.  I can't get past level ten and it affects my life. 2.  Minimized windows. Right now I have 26,  although I don't know if this is an addiction so much as a fear of commitment....

Hey Mom! So if you are feeling particularly offendable today, it is my suggestion that you don't read this.  I'm not judging, we all have days where our feelings are particularly easy to hurt and if you are having one of those days just click away. Ok this week I'm going to kick it old school and just go for it.  If you didn't have the misfortune of reading my old blog... just imagine a high-strung 18 year old who thought they knew how the world worked.  While I am not claiming to know how the world works,  I am just going to say exactly what I want to say because I already warned you about hurt feelings. Why do we suck at treating people like they have their own brain?  I've seen a lot of posts about fat-shaming, skinny-shaming, parenting styles shaming, food shaming, lifestyle shaming, for goodness sake I've even seen elf on the shelf shaming (and let me just say that I hate elf on the shelf with a fury second only to the fires of Mordor so I understa...

Hey Mom! So it's that time of year again, finals are coming, life decisions are being made.  My life feels more and more like it's contained in a pressure cooker and someone keeps turning up the heat. And during these moments of seemingly infinite stress it's easy to let go.  I'm not talking about letting go of personal hygiene or normal eating patterns or the concept of sleep or any other standard you might hold yourself to (but I mean who hasn't worn the same pair of sweatpants a few days in a row during finals? Oh that's just me... ok well this is awkward).   I am talking about letting go of your happiness. It's easy to be unhappy, it's easy to find things to complain about, it's easy to wish that things were different.  It's hard to be happy.  Happiness goes against every fibre of my being.  My instincts say that nothing good ever stays good and if you are happy you are probably about to have your world ripped out from under your fee...

Hey Mom! You know what I just realized.  Things are good again.  I knew that someday things would be good again.  I knew that the way I felt this past year wouldn't last forever.  I knew I would recover and move on and heal.  I didn't know that all at once I'd realize things are good. I'm tutoring which I love. I'm in the middle of two big pieces of writing both of which bring me so much joy. I auditioned for a webseries and we start filming this week. I started my very own Etsy page and I get to create things which is something I've wanted to do for a very long time but never had the confidence or the time. I wrote an open letter Bob Saget and I didn't care that is was completely and utterly weird because it was funny and it was something I wanted to do so I did it. I rode my bike in a Thor costume and wasn't even mortified. I am so very fortunate to be able to do all these things.  Things I love doing, things that make me smile.  Thin...

Hey Mom! So for those of you who have heard me complain about how I have the worst luck ever and everything that can go wrong, always without fail will go wrong... Guess what?  Today everything went right!  You've read correctly, everything came up Mack and while I don't want to jinx it, I am going to elaborate. So this school started in a weird kind of mental hurry.  I decided at the beginning of June I couldn't continue playing basketball and I definitely couldn't survive another winter in Winnipeg.  I had a back injury that was causing pain to shoot down both my legs, I had a messy break up with basketball (Sorry have I mentioned it on this blog... only half a million times <--- hyperbole) AND I began to question whether the career path I am currently on is right for me any more. July and August was spent frantically applying and looking for some form of relatively cheap lodgings.  The weekend before school started I was in a car accident that left me ...

Hey Mom! Well the month of September is over...  We did it kids!  Well not really because midterm marks haven't come out yet but we showed up and took notes and bought highlighters and liquid paper.... OK OK STOP GRILLING ME ALREADY... It's become clear to me that all the liquid paper in the world can't white out the lies.  I'm sorry Mom.  I'm sorry (not sorry) internet.  I've been cheating on you.  Cheating on you with a beautifully kindred spirit... my other blog. Now when I started the other blog, it was just a casual once a week thing.  So I didn't mention it or post the link to it.  But I can't hide it anymore.  You need to know.  Everything Thursday I post a short fictional piece on the internet.  Sometimes it's sheer brilliance and sometimes its the foulest of any literary work known to man.  But now people know, people know and they want the link.  So here it is: findingmywill.blogspot.ca Please note this ...

Hey Mom! So in the wee hours of the morning this morning I found myself hopelessly and utterly lost in my own head.  As you may know, this past year has been rough and as a result of that I've chosen to walk away from athletics and transfer schools (for the third flipping time).  And honestly, even though my situation changed, how I felt didn't.  I still need time to process and heal and decide what exactly it is I'm going to do with my life.  The problem is these past two weeks I've been allowing myself to do something that is counteractive to both those things.  I let myself get really bitter and the thing about being bitter is it only makes you feel worse, which makes you more bitter, which only makes you feel worse, which makes you more bitter, which only makes you feel worse, which makes you more bitter,  which only makes you feel worse, which makes you more bitter. <--- Do you see the circle? Do you see it's viciousness. So this morning at 4:44...