Hey Mom!

Hey Mom! I am an emotional being.  Videos of dogs being united with their owners make me cry.  I don't really keep a diary but I do bottle things up until  I can cry while watching scrubs and process all the emotions swirling around in my little, tightly wound heart. And I shouldn't have to apologize for that. When the machines rise and take over the world (and they will rise and take over the world), everyone will blame themselves except me.  Why?  Because while other people will be disgusted at their own callousness I'll be over here like "I told you 10 years ago that those robots were going to end up hurting someone's feelings. In fact, I find that my own feelings are still hurt that you didn't take the time to really listen to my concerns." What I will apologize for is drinking coffee on an empty stomach. Caffeine typically doesn't affect me, I don't use it to pull all-nighters (I find intense fear of failure usually does the trick).  Ho...

Hey Mom! So they are replacing all the windows in my apartment building.  It's fine it's only winter and they are popping windows off the place like it's a giant Mr. Potato head.  This is not worst the part. For the rest of the month they can come at anytime between 8am and 4:30pm on any day they wish. This is not worst the part. The worst part dear friends is that this morning I spilled an entire litre of water on my bed.  I was trying to be all cool and casual and so I took a sip of my water bottle and then tossed it on my bed (all coolly and casually) and apparently the lid was not on the whole way... so the water flowed all cool and casual soaking my whole bed. Furthermore, I have taken the sheets off my bed and brought them to Calgary to wash them (because my parents don't charge me to do laundry).  So if at any point this weekend they show up... they will find a bare  mattress with a wet spot that looks awfully suspect. I'm not embarrassed about th...

Some of you I saw in Sunday School, some of you I babysat and some of you were my campers at camp.  This is for all of you. To My Girls, First of all, I want to thank you.  You taught me so many things (like patience, some of you were really good at teaching patience), I still have every letter, every drawing, every craft you were gracious enough to bestow upon me.  These are treasures, not unlike yourselves. I want you to know I think about you often.  You are all on my heart.  This year more than ever as I have realized some of you are in high school now! I am so proud of you guys! Some of you are athletes, some of you are musicians or artists.  No matter what your passions are; seeing you fuel your talents and callings is amazing. I've also seen that some of you are struggling.  Some of you have been faced with all the unfairness life can throw at you.  This makes my heart break for two reasons: 1. I can never fully understand what...

Hey Mom! So if you are feeling particularly offendable today, it is my suggestion that you don't read this.  I'm not judging, we all have days where our feelings are particularly easy to hurt and if you are having one of those days just click away. Ok this week I'm going to kick it old school and just go for it.  If you didn't have the misfortune of reading my old blog... just imagine a high-strung 18 year old who thought they knew how the world worked.  While I am not claiming to know how the world works,  I am just going to say exactly what I want to say because I already warned you about hurt feelings. Why do we suck at treating people like they have their own brain?  I've seen a lot of posts about fat-shaming, skinny-shaming, parenting styles shaming, food shaming, lifestyle shaming, for goodness sake I've even seen elf on the shelf shaming (and let me just say that I hate elf on the shelf with a fury second only to the fires of Mordor so I understa...

Hey Mom! So it's that time of year again, finals are coming, life decisions are being made.  My life feels more and more like it's contained in a pressure cooker and someone keeps turning up the heat. And during these moments of seemingly infinite stress it's easy to let go.  I'm not talking about letting go of personal hygiene or normal eating patterns or the concept of sleep or any other standard you might hold yourself to (but I mean who hasn't worn the same pair of sweatpants a few days in a row during finals? Oh that's just me... ok well this is awkward).   I am talking about letting go of your happiness. It's easy to be unhappy, it's easy to find things to complain about, it's easy to wish that things were different.  It's hard to be happy.  Happiness goes against every fibre of my being.  My instincts say that nothing good ever stays good and if you are happy you are probably about to have your world ripped out from under your fee...

Hey Mom! You know what I just realized.  Things are good again.  I knew that someday things would be good again.  I knew that the way I felt this past year wouldn't last forever.  I knew I would recover and move on and heal.  I didn't know that all at once I'd realize things are good. I'm tutoring which I love. I'm in the middle of two big pieces of writing both of which bring me so much joy. I auditioned for a webseries and we start filming this week. I started my very own Etsy page and I get to create things which is something I've wanted to do for a very long time but never had the confidence or the time. I wrote an open letter Bob Saget and I didn't care that is was completely and utterly weird because it was funny and it was something I wanted to do so I did it. I rode my bike in a Thor costume and wasn't even mortified. I am so very fortunate to be able to do all these things.  Things I love doing, things that make me smile.  Thin...

Hey Mom! So for those of you who have heard me complain about how I have the worst luck ever and everything that can go wrong, always without fail will go wrong... Guess what?  Today everything went right!  You've read correctly, everything came up Mack and while I don't want to jinx it, I am going to elaborate. So this school started in a weird kind of mental hurry.  I decided at the beginning of June I couldn't continue playing basketball and I definitely couldn't survive another winter in Winnipeg.  I had a back injury that was causing pain to shoot down both my legs, I had a messy break up with basketball (Sorry have I mentioned it on this blog... only half a million times <--- hyperbole) AND I began to question whether the career path I am currently on is right for me any more. July and August was spent frantically applying and looking for some form of relatively cheap lodgings.  The weekend before school started I was in a car accident that left me ...

Hey Mom! So in the wee hours of the morning this morning I found myself hopelessly and utterly lost in my own head.  As you may know, this past year has been rough and as a result of that I've chosen to walk away from athletics and transfer schools (for the third flipping time).  And honestly, even though my situation changed, how I felt didn't.  I still need time to process and heal and decide what exactly it is I'm going to do with my life.  The problem is these past two weeks I've been allowing myself to do something that is counteractive to both those things.  I let myself get really bitter and the thing about being bitter is it only makes you feel worse, which makes you more bitter, which only makes you feel worse, which makes you more bitter, which only makes you feel worse, which makes you more bitter,  which only makes you feel worse, which makes you more bitter. <--- Do you see the circle? Do you see it's viciousness. So this morning at 4:44...

Hey Mom! So this is the first blog of #YearFour and while I have not blogged consistently, I've consistently blogged for three whole years! For those of you who don't know I started this blog (thanks to the encouragement of my Mom) after I graduated high school. I'm not entirely sure what my reasons were at the time but you'd think someone had suggested I shave my head and tattoo my skull.  But guess what?  I fell in love with blogging.  It was a great outlet for me, blah blah became who I am today, blah blah gave me a voice, blah mushy stuff, blah, blah bloggy stuff. S o with all that in mind, there are a three things I would like say... 1. Thanks for reading this (Mom I'm looking at you) 2. Semi-colons are a straight jacket to my genius 3. I hate polo shirts for no good reason 4. I was making numbered lists before Buzzfeed made it cool. What does this have to do with anything?  Well clearly I have wisdom to impart so obviously it would be a disservice t...

Hey Mom! As you may have heard, Robin Williams passed away this week.  After the initial shock, his death has sparked a lot of really important conversation topics like  What is depression? How did someone so good at making us laugh hide such unimaginable pain? Why does Mental Health  still  carry   such a social stigma? These are important and we need to talk about them more but I am not an expert.  I can't tell you anything other than my story: I am struggling with depression right now...today, in this moment.  Today is neither especially good nor especially bad. Today is one bead in a long string of bad days.  I had the will power to get out of bed today but that is just about it. I've sat down three or four times the past couple days trying to write this.  I stopped because I realized halfway through one draft that I didn't care.  I stopped because thinking about the person I used to be and who I am now is incredibly painful. ...

Hey Mom! Prepare to have your sensibilities offended. This week I have read three articles that have appeared on my newsfeed  that all pertained to my generation being selfish, ungrateful and just generally inconsiderate. To this my response is "Look in the mirror".  I'm tired of hearing about how my generation doesn't have old school values or understand the importance of hardwork.  Just because I own a cellphone and have a Facebook does not mean I am any less intelligent or capable.  So I am going to address all the problems my generation allegedly has in no particular order. Now these articles were written by parents so I'm directing most of these comments at parents. 1.  We never go outside. Yup because I never rode a bike or went to the park or had water fights with my friends growing up.... That was sarcasm in case you didn't realize. You want to know why kids don't stay out until dusk as much as they used to? Your generation. Yes, you. A combina...

Hey Mom! So if you haven't read part one you can click here Last time I talked about getting to a place where I needed to decide if athletics were still for me, today is all about what governed my decision making. I would like to make a distinction between a choice and a decision.  I made the choice not to return to Manitoba.  I made the choice to transfer schools.  I made the choice to stop playing basketball.  I decided to be happy.  A decision encompasses a series of choices and accepting the consequences of those choices... I accept that it is for now It most likely means I'll never play for a university again.  It doesn't mean I'm done with the game, there is still lots of time for me to watch and play and coach.  I love basketball.  I love playing defence.  I love it when I shoot and just  know  it's going in.  I love it when the net curls in on itself for half a second when the ball swishes through it.  I ...

Hey Mom! Despite the fact that I have 3 seasons of eligibility left, I am no longer playing university basketball.  In my journey to decide what was right for me I noticed there is literature for parents whose kids want to quit sports but nothing for high level athletes wondering if it's time to walk away from their respective sport.  So here I am, an athlete, giving you all the reasons I have made this choice.  In this post all I want to talk about is how I got to the point where I needed to decide if I could keep playing. I was unhappy.  Over my basketball career, I've been a bench player, 6th man and starter.  I've had losing seasons, winning seasons and in between seasons.  I've had wonderful teammates and coaches as well as played on teams that well...weren't.  I've played in 3 different post-secondary conferences over three years.  All these changes, the extreme highs and lows, the fantastic people I've met and the people I wish I ne...

Hey Mom! So ever since I made my Inked video, I've been throwing around the word betrayal a lot... as in quadruple the recommended dosage.   The truth is I've been betrayed and as much as I wish I could say this is a dramatization for the purpose of comedy, there is absolutely NOTHING funny about this: Top Ten Things That Have Betrayed Me: 1. Coffee: Basically I tripped down the stairs and then my coffee laughed in my face except coffee can't laugh so it just vomited lava humiliation into my face... and ruined the carpet. BETRAYAL! See my previous post for more details. 2. Cleaning Supplies: I was promised stain removal, I still only have stain... BETRAYAL! 3. Cribbage: I was on a killer hot streak and needed 3 points to win the game and then I had no points in my crib.... BETRAYAL! 4. Ya Mama: She yelled "19" right before I looked at my crib... BETRAYAL! 5. Reality: I am supposed to be in love, having the time of my life and dancing through life....

Hey Mom! There is coffee in my hair.  There is coffee on my face.  There is coffee on my arms.  My phone is coated with coffee.  A once white carpet has all the splatterings of a medium roast crime scene.  I have rug burns and regular burns.  Oh yeah, AND I BROKE EVERY BONE IN MY BODY <--- please note this is hyperbole for the purpose of comedy. What actually happened is I fell down the stairs, while I was falling down said stairs I threw the hot cup of coffee I was carrying into my OWN FACE.  Do you know what it's like to catch your own coffee in the face?  It's like my only true and constant friend betrayed me.  Twist the knife a little more my sweet love, long have I known your bitterness, long have I understood your dark powers, there is no sweetener to soften your edge.  Consequently, it looks like the walls are leaking dark ambrosia and I have been injured as well as insulted. I wish I was in a body cast because that would...

Hey Mom! So if you know me at all, you know that I am one of the cheapest people alive today.  I make my home amongst coupon cutters, recyclers and handcrafters (please note these are not the crafters of hands but rather those who prefer cheaply homemade goods).  As you may imagine, I use the phrase "Too rich for my blood" more often than people post stupid things on Facebook (duh dum chee).  Yeah I didn't think it was that funny either... anywaaaaaaaaaaay Top Ten Things That Are Too Rich for My Blood 1. Sweet Potato Fries - Firstly they are gross, secondly you want to pay an extra dollar for fries that aren't even worth a dollar in the first place? 2. Brand Name School Supplies - The only difference between your cue cards and mine are the fact that I didn't need to take out a loan to be able to afford small rectangular paper. Nuff said 3. Condiments - Yes, it is weird to ask for ketchup when I buy a coffee but at least it's a free kind of weird. ...

Hey Mom! Wanna hear something cool and mildly disgusting? Of course you do... that's why you're here.  I have two zits that are symmetrically located on either side of my nose... pretty awesome eh?  These gemini zits are brought to you by your local final exams.  That's right folks just 3 back to back exams and I am home free! You may have noticed that this weekend is Easter.  There are so many things I love about Easter: time with family, a long weekend and the knowledge that the last few new years resolution survivors are being crushed under the temptation of creme eggs and chocolate bunnies so all the Facebook statuses about them being better than the rest of us is going to finally come to an end. There is one thing about Easter that I do have a bit of a struggle with... the fact that someone else had to die for me. It's not because it doesn't paint the perfect picture of love... it does.   It's not because I don't believe it happened... I do...

Hey Mom! The past few months have been strange, if you had asked me in September how I though this year was going to turn out I would have painted a picture almost completely opposite to the one I see now.  And for the most part I think that's a good thing.   Truthfully this year has been really difficult in a lot of ways, aspects of my life I have never struggled with before I struggle with now.  Sometimes going for days at a time feeling nothing but the emptiness that has resonated with me.  I even began to embrace the hollow feeling because feeling nothing is easier than feeling a little bit of everything.  The problem with that mentality of course is that nothing means anything to you anymore, you become nothing more than a prop to the people living around you. Suddenly I found myself the understudy in my own life and I didn't know how to take back center stage. I realized that reentering the lead role takes time and just because you've had one good da...

Hey Mom! Why do we blame ourselves for the things that are not our fault? What is it that makes us choose to hold on to shame that we don't own? Our hearts latch on and feed from the guilt as if it's keeping us alive.  Maybe it is.  Maybe taking the blame for something outside of our control gives us control.   Maybe feeling guilt is better than feeling helpless.  Perhaps the knowledge that terrible things happen and there is nothing we can do to alter the course is so frightening that we would rather live hating ourselves.  Hindsight is not always 20x20, hindsight is selective, it is guided by what we want to see.  And we want to see guilt, we want to see that we had a hand in what happened.  All the "if only"s and "I should have"s amount to us reaching for anything to slow our free fall. And perhaps this will keep us alive, for a time.  But guilt is a paramedic, it can patch us up for a little while but in the end what we need is a surge...

Hey Mom! Spring is finally here! Want to know how I know that? It's 2am and my lungs are on fire.  Spring is my fifth favourite season , the order goes winter, summer, winter, fall and then spring. But why? Spring is budding with new life and hope.  It is a symbol of rebirth and renewal. How could you possibly hate spring?  Well every year without fail spring has tried to kill me.  At first I thought it was a frenemies situation because let's be honest, the dandelion fuzz was cute.  But then came the poplar fluff and the snow mould and the street cleaners.  I have tried several times to forge an alliance with Jack Frost but he won't return my calls and has blocked me on Facebook.  I see how it is Jack, just because I dress appropriately for the weather which prevents any nose nipping that might occur you act like I don't exist. Quite frankly, it's rude and a little insensitive. And to make matters worse, Spring and I don't have anything in common. ...