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No One Was Hurt
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Hey Mom!
I work at a gym:
This morning at the gym I complained about this:
Then this happened:
This is the chair I sit on when I'm on break:
This is where people put on their runners. This is where my manager chats with customers. This is where the trainer's daughter hangs out when she goes to work with her dad.
Hey Mom! I am a frequent user of laundromats. It's a reality I live with, often times it a peaceful experience where I listen to podcasts or do some generalized brooding (it's the fluorescent lights, they are surprisingly good for brooding). BUT (and it is a big but and no, I will not be discontinuing this joke in 2022) The most recent time I went the laundromat was packed, it was chaos. People were yelling at other people to get their stuff out of the washing machine, the change machine attempted some soothing ambiance by adding a constant, metallic clattering (like rain, but it hurts your teeth and your mind and your heart and your tympanic membranes). So I embraced my natural grace and athleticism by bumping into every single laundry cart in my vicinity and dropping 5 dollars worth of quarters on the floor. Now, I think it is important to tell you that I take the efficiency of the laundromat VERY seriously. I set a timer to ensure that I am standing in front of my machine...
Hey Mom! Once again, I have been humbled by reality and general principles of physics. I want to start by saying that at no point in time should you feel sorry for me during this story. I did this to myself. I was doing a fair bit of running at the beginning of COVID but then I got sad and busy and also sad so I stopped. Since June 2020 I have run exactly TWO times. ALSO (because you really should not have even an ounce of pity for me) it is important to note that I have never been a long distance runner... ever. Onward! I decided to participate in an ultra marathon relay (ie. I ran part of a race that some people can run all by themselves… good for them). In the beginning, I had every intention of taking this seriously. I was going to go for runs and workout and drink water. What I did do was exactly none of those things. Instead I rolled up on race day wearing my housecoat with a backpack full of snacks. I drank 200mL of water and went on my way. Just a fool in a housecoat tempting f...
Hey Mom! I'll just cut to the chase here: I had to Sawzall the doorknob off my bedroom door. I know what you're thinking Surely, I have not read the above statement correctly. NO ANNABROCK, YOU ARE ADEQUATELY LITERATE! This situation might be funnier if it were not entirely my own, grown-adult, fault. The doorknob had been sticking recently and several times I thought I should really take this off and see what's going on in there BUT - and it is a big but- That thought was immediately followed by later, I will do this thing later. Unfortunately later came and went and then too late showed up around 10pm the night before work. I go to turn the doorknob and this time it turns but the door does not open. I casually tell my roommate who is watching me struggle from the living room that this has happened a few times and I just need to *click* turn the knob *click* this way and the door *click* will *click* open ....orrrrr remain closed and locked. So now I am rapidly ...
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