Using the Bathroom: Injury Edition
Hey Mom!
So as you may have guessed by the title of this post I am currently nursing an injury....mostly to my pride. Now I embarrass myself in public all the time. For example I got stuck in a truck (YOU'VE BEEN SEUSSED!) for five minutes today because the wind blew the door shut on the back of my knees which caused my belt buckle to get caught on the door latch. I know what you're thinking:
5 minutes isn't so bad, it's not like you had to call the fire department. Well let me tell you, 5 minutes is long enough to seriously consider calling the fire department AND it's long enough for the aforementioned door to cut off circulation to your legs so when you free yourself from Sierra prison you drop like a rag doll onto the pavement.
BUT we are not here to talk about me... oh wait... yes we are.
A few days ago I was trying to use the bathroom (as I so often do). This particular (public) bathroom had a very narrow gap between the sink and the door so after pulling open the ludicrously heavy I had to sort of shimmy between the two in order to enter the thunderbox. As I pulled off my incredibly smooth and not awkward at all entrance I heard a disgusting crunch... it sounded like someone dropping an anvil on a cheeto. Turns out that cheeto was my pinky finger and the anvil was the metal door. Pain. Eye watering (not crying... there IS a difference ok?), can't breathe or move kind of pain. I would like the record to show that I have broken a finger before so when I was absolutely certain I had shattered my entire hand I was only mildly hysterical.
Now after processing this traumatic event I have a few thoughts:
1. WHO DESIGNS A BATHROOM SO ONLY A NINJA CAN ENTER UNSCATHED?!?!
2. If anybody walked past the door all they would've heard is "I broke it, I'm sure I broke it. Seriously I really broke it!" So my brain is going to fixate on that for the rest of my life.
3. It's important to note that I did not pee my pants.
That is all.
ps. I'm fine thanks for asking (but don't touch my hand because I'll throw up in my mouth).
So as you may have guessed by the title of this post I am currently nursing an injury....mostly to my pride. Now I embarrass myself in public all the time. For example I got stuck in a truck (YOU'VE BEEN SEUSSED!) for five minutes today because the wind blew the door shut on the back of my knees which caused my belt buckle to get caught on the door latch. I know what you're thinking:
5 minutes isn't so bad, it's not like you had to call the fire department. Well let me tell you, 5 minutes is long enough to seriously consider calling the fire department AND it's long enough for the aforementioned door to cut off circulation to your legs so when you free yourself from Sierra prison you drop like a rag doll onto the pavement.
BUT we are not here to talk about me... oh wait... yes we are.
A few days ago I was trying to use the bathroom (as I so often do). This particular (public) bathroom had a very narrow gap between the sink and the door so after pulling open the ludicrously heavy I had to sort of shimmy between the two in order to enter the thunderbox. As I pulled off my incredibly smooth and not awkward at all entrance I heard a disgusting crunch... it sounded like someone dropping an anvil on a cheeto. Turns out that cheeto was my pinky finger and the anvil was the metal door. Pain. Eye watering (not crying... there IS a difference ok?), can't breathe or move kind of pain. I would like the record to show that I have broken a finger before so when I was absolutely certain I had shattered my entire hand I was only mildly hysterical.
Now after processing this traumatic event I have a few thoughts:
1. WHO DESIGNS A BATHROOM SO ONLY A NINJA CAN ENTER UNSCATHED?!?!
2. If anybody walked past the door all they would've heard is "I broke it, I'm sure I broke it. Seriously I really broke it!" So my brain is going to fixate on that for the rest of my life.
3. It's important to note that I did not pee my pants.
That is all.
ps. I'm fine thanks for asking (but don't touch my hand because I'll throw up in my mouth).
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