Triceps: The Pursuit of Glory
Hey Mom!
So lately I've been trash-talking Chris Hemsworth a lot on social media. Now I know what you're thinking Mack, why are you bullying Thor? Listen, liiiisten, liiiiiiiisteeeeennnnn, is it technically bullying? No, it's actually just gossip because, as you may have guessed, Christopher is unaware of my chirping. The real question is how did we get here? Yes, we, we are in this together now.
Well, in January (20Greateen) I saw Thor Ragnorak and thought "Thor has great triceps." and then a green tide of jealousy overtook me and I knew that I needed to get myself some beautiful triceps. So I decided to start lifting weights for the first time since my back injury. Has it been a very good experience that has contributed to my overall health? Yes! Is that a logical reason to start lifting weights? Absoluuuuutely not.
Anyway, it started out as inspiration but much like most things in my life it quickly descended into a very stupid joke: I am coming for your triceps, Chris. I laughed about it. My friend(s) laughed about it. But (and it is a big but), my trash-talk has become some sort of environmentally friendly motivation fuel. Now I know what you're thinking Chris Hemsworth is a human being! Yes, which is why I'm not cutting out letters from magazines and writing him notes or buying his hair off ebay (I gagged writing this sentence, that's how gross other people's hair is to me). Calm down, Bradbra!
So why am I telling you about this now? Well two days ago, I got too competitive with Chris (a person I have never met, have no desire to meet and who does not know or care that I exist) because he released a workout app that he's been promoting for weeks and I hurt myself.
My first thought when I got up the next day was "Oh! My muscles have exploded overnight, I have that weird crossfit disease!" and you know who's fault this is? Chris mother-fluffing Hemsworth. We may now add him to my list of nemeses:
1. Ken Jeong for teaching my Mom the words "dope" and "tight" in response to "How are you?"
2. Chris Hemsworth - yes, I am still coming for his triceps.
3. Bob Saget for reasons that don't concern you.
That is all.
So lately I've been trash-talking Chris Hemsworth a lot on social media. Now I know what you're thinking Mack, why are you bullying Thor? Listen, liiiisten, liiiiiiiisteeeeennnnn, is it technically bullying? No, it's actually just gossip because, as you may have guessed, Christopher is unaware of my chirping. The real question is how did we get here? Yes, we, we are in this together now.
Well, in January (20Greateen) I saw Thor Ragnorak and thought "Thor has great triceps." and then a green tide of jealousy overtook me and I knew that I needed to get myself some beautiful triceps. So I decided to start lifting weights for the first time since my back injury. Has it been a very good experience that has contributed to my overall health? Yes! Is that a logical reason to start lifting weights? Absoluuuuutely not.
Anyway, it started out as inspiration but much like most things in my life it quickly descended into a very stupid joke: I am coming for your triceps, Chris. I laughed about it. My friend(s) laughed about it. But (and it is a big but), my trash-talk has become some sort of environmentally friendly motivation fuel. Now I know what you're thinking Chris Hemsworth is a human being! Yes, which is why I'm not cutting out letters from magazines and writing him notes or buying his hair off ebay (I gagged writing this sentence, that's how gross other people's hair is to me). Calm down, Bradbra!
So why am I telling you about this now? Well two days ago, I got too competitive with Chris (a person I have never met, have no desire to meet and who does not know or care that I exist) because he released a workout app that he's been promoting for weeks and I hurt myself.
1. Ken Jeong for teaching my Mom the words "dope" and "tight" in response to "How are you?"
2. Chris Hemsworth - yes, I am still coming for his triceps.
3. Bob Saget for reasons that don't concern you.
That is all.
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