Doomsday preppers? More like DoomsYAY preppers!
Hey Mom!
So my shift got cancelled and I ended up with the day off. Last minute days off are a gift. It's the universe standing well outside your personal space and say Hey, whatever you want to do today... you can totes do.... well except make money because you aren't working today... and crime... well I mean you could do crime if you really want but you know.... felonies have consequences... anyway I'll leave you to it.
I started my day off by wandering around the house and losing my coffee cup several times.
AND THEN I REMEMBERED DOOMSDAY PREPPERS!
If you don't know, Doomsday Preppers is a tv show where people demonstrate their preparations for various disasters and then get ranked by unnamed experts. If you know me at all, you know that nursing fears with wildly unnecessary precautions is my favourite activity. Are you going to make homemade pepper spray and test it on your friends?!? HECK YES! Are you going to store 12 tonnes of food in a school bus buried in your backyard??! YOU GO GLENN COCO! These people make me look tame for bring 48 pencils into an exam.
BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! This isn't just an educational program about all the possible disasters. BUCKLE UP FOR THE DRAMA BERNICE! Is it a spouse that looks at the camera with dead eyes while their significant other makes them run through the forest in the middle of the night as part of an elaborate drill? Hilarious and sad!
Will it be a super aggressive individual who never blinks and repeatedly states they won't hesitate to kill someone? We get it... Lyle.
Is it a chaddudebro who tells his fiancé that he is a prepper by shrieking at her like a banshee that it's "bug out time"? What I wouldn't give to see her texts to her mom while she is stuck in an RV for 8 hours on the way to middle of nowhere Illinois where she will live out her days farming vegetables fertilized by her own excrements.....
DID I SAY I WAS FINISHED, CUHRISTEN?!?! This show is chock full of fun facts. You know what I learned today? DID I SAY IT WAS TIME TO UNBUCKLE? This vehicle is still in motion, my dudes!
So my shift got cancelled and I ended up with the day off. Last minute days off are a gift. It's the universe standing well outside your personal space and say Hey, whatever you want to do today... you can totes do.... well except make money because you aren't working today... and crime... well I mean you could do crime if you really want but you know.... felonies have consequences... anyway I'll leave you to it.
I started my day off by wandering around the house and losing my coffee cup several times.
 |
| Like here, behind the tv for no reason. |
 |
| It's like a where's Waldo but with trash! |
 |
| I was cleaning the bathroom, I was not pooping. |
 |
| I left in the microwave after heating it up because I left it in the bathroom. |
AND THEN I REMEMBERED DOOMSDAY PREPPERS!
If you don't know, Doomsday Preppers is a tv show where people demonstrate their preparations for various disasters and then get ranked by unnamed experts. If you know me at all, you know that nursing fears with wildly unnecessary precautions is my favourite activity. Are you going to make homemade pepper spray and test it on your friends?!? HECK YES! Are you going to store 12 tonnes of food in a school bus buried in your backyard??! YOU GO GLENN COCO! These people make me look tame for bring 48 pencils into an exam.
BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! This isn't just an educational program about all the possible disasters. BUCKLE UP FOR THE DRAMA BERNICE! Is it a spouse that looks at the camera with dead eyes while their significant other makes them run through the forest in the middle of the night as part of an elaborate drill? Hilarious and sad!
Will it be a super aggressive individual who never blinks and repeatedly states they won't hesitate to kill someone? We get it... Lyle.
Is it a chaddudebro who tells his fiancé that he is a prepper by shrieking at her like a banshee that it's "bug out time"? What I wouldn't give to see her texts to her mom while she is stuck in an RV for 8 hours on the way to middle of nowhere Illinois where she will live out her days farming vegetables fertilized by her own excrements.....
DID I SAY I WAS FINISHED, CUHRISTEN?!?! This show is chock full of fun facts. You know what I learned today? DID I SAY IT WAS TIME TO UNBUCKLE? This vehicle is still in motion, my dudes!
- Rattlesnakes can bite for over an hour after they have been beheaded.
- You can hire an expert to teach you how to do just about anything: handling firearms, hunting and beheading rattlesnakes, coating eggs in weird oils so they don't go bad.
- No matter what the disaster is... it is always careening towards some sort of fan.... brace for impact.
So am I going to start storing canned chicken underneath my bed? Absolutely not. I will throw my inhaler into the wind and throw myself into the apocalypse. I'm allergic to grass, I have never been hunting, fishing or bought anything from Cabela's or Bass Pro and sometimes when I eat ice cream too fast it makes me wheeze. I was not built to live in a dystopia.
That is all.
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