Mackenzie T Judd: School of the Culinary Arts
Hey Mom!
So one of my New Years resolutions is to learn how to cook and as such I have almost engulfed my kitchen in a fiery inferno on 16 separate occasions. Now it's been about a month so obviously I'm a master chef and have a complete knowledge of all things food related. Of course it would be selfish to keep all this new found information to myself so I've decided to open a culinary school.
While I'm waiting for the paper work to go through I've compiled a list of pro tips for all you hopeless people at home.
Top Ten Pro-Tips for Aspiring Chefs
1. Anything is edible if you put enough ranch dressing on it.
2. If you aren't sure if something is cooked all the way ask a friend to try the first bite and wait 30-40 minutes.
3. You can become immune to food poisoning... at least I hope this is true because I've had it atleast 4 times since September (it was only my fault 3 of those times.... I am, after all, a professional).
4. Ya Mama is not as good of a cook as me.
5. If you can't appreciate burnt food, your pallet isn't sophisticated enough
6. If something isn't cooking fast enough just boil it for a bit (this works for anything: potatoes, steak, toast)
7. There is no such thing as too much seasoning, if it burns your throat it just means it's killing germs.
8. Don't worry if your dish looks like vomit, that just means it is easily digestible.
9. To reduce the amount of clean up you have, always pam everything: pans, plates, smoothie cups.
10. If at any point your dish starts smoking or you see visible flames, just add a litre of water and serve.
Bonus Tip: BBQ sauce is a universal substitute, you can use it in place of flour, pasta sauce and when cereal is involved milk.
So there you have it! Stay tuned for my new series of cookbooks coming to a bookstore near you: Fire Starting For Dummies and Is This Poison?
That is all.
So one of my New Years resolutions is to learn how to cook and as such I have almost engulfed my kitchen in a fiery inferno on 16 separate occasions. Now it's been about a month so obviously I'm a master chef and have a complete knowledge of all things food related. Of course it would be selfish to keep all this new found information to myself so I've decided to open a culinary school.
While I'm waiting for the paper work to go through I've compiled a list of pro tips for all you hopeless people at home.
Top Ten Pro-Tips for Aspiring Chefs
1. Anything is edible if you put enough ranch dressing on it.
2. If you aren't sure if something is cooked all the way ask a friend to try the first bite and wait 30-40 minutes.
3. You can become immune to food poisoning... at least I hope this is true because I've had it atleast 4 times since September (it was only my fault 3 of those times.... I am, after all, a professional).
4. Ya Mama is not as good of a cook as me.
5. If you can't appreciate burnt food, your pallet isn't sophisticated enough
6. If something isn't cooking fast enough just boil it for a bit (this works for anything: potatoes, steak, toast)
7. There is no such thing as too much seasoning, if it burns your throat it just means it's killing germs.
8. Don't worry if your dish looks like vomit, that just means it is easily digestible.
9. To reduce the amount of clean up you have, always pam everything: pans, plates, smoothie cups.
10. If at any point your dish starts smoking or you see visible flames, just add a litre of water and serve.
Bonus Tip: BBQ sauce is a universal substitute, you can use it in place of flour, pasta sauce and when cereal is involved milk.
So there you have it! Stay tuned for my new series of cookbooks coming to a bookstore near you: Fire Starting For Dummies and Is This Poison?
That is all.
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