An Honest Resume
Hey Mom,
So my job searching while fruitless has given me the chance to really think about a resume. It's the best parts of us. It's our skills and experiences that equip us for whatever work we are looking for. Then I thought what if resumes were completely honest about everything? What if our resumes showed a more well rounded picture of our lives? Hang on to your hats kids because I have done just that.
Cover Letter:
To Whom It May Concern:
My name is Mack and I'm looking for a summer job that pays pretty well and hopefully is casual. It's not that I don't have business attire it's just that when I get dressed in the morning I really worry about betraying my gender in the workplace (Should I wear pants that fit because I am a fierce independent woman that is not ashamed of my atypical body type or should I wear a men's suit because I don't ascribe to gender stereotypes?), so if everyone just wears jeans and a t-shirt it makes my life much easier. I learn quickly and I meet all the specified requirements, I like to think I'm easy to work with but if you hate puns you'll probably hate me too.
Thank you for your consideration (please hire me, please).
Sincerely,
Mackenzie Judd
Resume:
Work Experience:
Tutor - (2014-present)
Listen, if you don't know what a tutor does than maybe you should hire me to teach you various nouns.
Gym Maintenance Staff - (Summer 2014)
You know how big guys are who use steroids and work out for hours a day? Guess how often they drop something they can't pick up or clog a toilet.... Often.
Internship - (Summer 2013)
Worked with really cool people, wanted to quit 4 times, only hated my life 10% of the time, was kissed on the cheek by representatives of 29 different countries.
Grocery Store - (2008-2012)
You know when you decide you don't want that 2 pound block of cream cheese so you just set it precariously beside some lip balm? Well not only did I get to clean up the chaos of your cream cheese boulder and the lip balm massacre left in it's wake but I also got to listen to 3 people yell at me because the store was out of eggs. What kind of grocery store doesn't have eggs? And did I say "Sorry, you are right I will go into the back and unload the mountain of eggs we are hiding from paying customers.". Nope, I apologized for the inconvenience and said nothing while they continued to infer that I was lazy and incompetent-- with a smile on my face.
Skills:
Education:
Not enough that my time is worth anything.
Activities:
That is all.
So my job searching while fruitless has given me the chance to really think about a resume. It's the best parts of us. It's our skills and experiences that equip us for whatever work we are looking for. Then I thought what if resumes were completely honest about everything? What if our resumes showed a more well rounded picture of our lives? Hang on to your hats kids because I have done just that.
Cover Letter:
To Whom It May Concern:
My name is Mack and I'm looking for a summer job that pays pretty well and hopefully is casual. It's not that I don't have business attire it's just that when I get dressed in the morning I really worry about betraying my gender in the workplace (Should I wear pants that fit because I am a fierce independent woman that is not ashamed of my atypical body type or should I wear a men's suit because I don't ascribe to gender stereotypes?), so if everyone just wears jeans and a t-shirt it makes my life much easier. I learn quickly and I meet all the specified requirements, I like to think I'm easy to work with but if you hate puns you'll probably hate me too.
Thank you for your consideration (please hire me, please).
Sincerely,
Mackenzie Judd
Resume:
Work Experience:
Tutor - (2014-present)
Listen, if you don't know what a tutor does than maybe you should hire me to teach you various nouns.
Gym Maintenance Staff - (Summer 2014)
You know how big guys are who use steroids and work out for hours a day? Guess how often they drop something they can't pick up or clog a toilet.... Often.
Internship - (Summer 2013)
Worked with really cool people, wanted to quit 4 times, only hated my life 10% of the time, was kissed on the cheek by representatives of 29 different countries.
Grocery Store - (2008-2012)
You know when you decide you don't want that 2 pound block of cream cheese so you just set it precariously beside some lip balm? Well not only did I get to clean up the chaos of your cream cheese boulder and the lip balm massacre left in it's wake but I also got to listen to 3 people yell at me because the store was out of eggs. What kind of grocery store doesn't have eggs? And did I say "Sorry, you are right I will go into the back and unload the mountain of eggs we are hiding from paying customers.". Nope, I apologized for the inconvenience and said nothing while they continued to infer that I was lazy and incompetent-- with a smile on my face.
Skills:
- Multitasking ( I can watch Scrubs, cry about what my life has become and eat popcorn at the same time)
- Burning food in the oven, the microwave and the fridge
- Eating and then being hungry 20 minutes later
- Puns
- Imagining the worst possible outcome for any situation
- Mickey Mouse impressions
- Identifying the flavour of jelly bellies without the package
- Uncurbable enthusiasm for fun facts and the museums of small towns.
Education:
Not enough that my time is worth anything.
Activities:
- Playing Mahjong Tiles at 3am (68% win record without using the shuffle button)
- Making festive table runners
- Dreading the future
- Developing suitable catchphrases
- Blogging to my Mom
That is all.
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