Wooing a physician.
Hey Mom!
So once again, I am back and ready to discuss something that makes perfect sense to regular adults but zero sense to me!
I need a family doctor and I've been trying to figure out how to.... you know... do that. So finally, I just called a clinic and they said there is a meet and greet so you can get to know your would-be physician.
First of all, this is pointless because I've already read everything that has ever been posted about them on the internet. I'm talking google reviews, rate my doctor, checked for a twitter profile, etc., BUT THEN I REALIZED THEY COULD REJECT ME?!
Hold on. Hoooooold onnnn. HOLD ON!
I live in Canada, I dwell in the comfort of knowing that even if I have no money, I can walk into an emergency room and after hours of waiting and having to make small talk with somebody's mom who just won't leave me alone, someone with a medical degree will eventually walk into the room and think that they are helping me. But this whole meet and greet thing has broken the system! What if there's a quiz and I can't remember where the humerus is? What if they ask about my diet??!?! What if they ask about how often I get food poisoning and/or diarrhea?!?! I know what you're thinking Mack, just lie to them. If you knew me at all you would know that I don't have a face that can tell lies, I have a face that takes what my brain is thinking and turns it into a billboard.
So now I'm thinking I've got to woo a physician in order to get them to take me on as a patient. I'm going to need a pantsuit and someone to teach me how to make small talk. EXCEPT GUESS WHAT?!? THIS BODY WAS NOT BUILT FOR PANTSUITS, THIS BODY WAS BUILT FOR JOGGERS AND HILARIOUS T-SHIRTS!
Ok so I can't lie but basically all my answers could be summed up in the following statement:
And there is no way I'll be able to find a pant suit with the right amount of charm and pizzazz.... so I'm doomed to a life of walk-in clinics. My life will waste away before my very eyes as I wait for prescription refills. I'll probably become very-well read only to be blinded by the blistering fluorescent lights.... all of which is probably not half as bad as having to shop for/wear a pantsuit to a meet and greet.
That is all.
So once again, I am back and ready to discuss something that makes perfect sense to regular adults but zero sense to me!
I need a family doctor and I've been trying to figure out how to.... you know... do that. So finally, I just called a clinic and they said there is a meet and greet so you can get to know your would-be physician.
First of all, this is pointless because I've already read everything that has ever been posted about them on the internet. I'm talking google reviews, rate my doctor, checked for a twitter profile, etc., BUT THEN I REALIZED THEY COULD REJECT ME?!
Hold on. Hoooooold onnnn. HOLD ON!
I live in Canada, I dwell in the comfort of knowing that even if I have no money, I can walk into an emergency room and after hours of waiting and having to make small talk with somebody's mom who just won't leave me alone, someone with a medical degree will eventually walk into the room and think that they are helping me. But this whole meet and greet thing has broken the system! What if there's a quiz and I can't remember where the humerus is? What if they ask about my diet??!?! What if they ask about how often I get food poisoning and/or diarrhea?!?! I know what you're thinking Mack, just lie to them. If you knew me at all you would know that I don't have a face that can tell lies, I have a face that takes what my brain is thinking and turns it into a billboard.
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| Just a reminder of the many things that have made me ill over the years. |
So now I'm thinking I've got to woo a physician in order to get them to take me on as a patient. I'm going to need a pantsuit and someone to teach me how to make small talk. EXCEPT GUESS WHAT?!? THIS BODY WAS NOT BUILT FOR PANTSUITS, THIS BODY WAS BUILT FOR JOGGERS AND HILARIOUS T-SHIRTS!
Ok so I can't lie but basically all my answers could be summed up in the following statement:
My body is not a temple, it's landfill of salty snacks and inappropriately timed cake consumption!
And there is no way I'll be able to find a pant suit with the right amount of charm and pizzazz.... so I'm doomed to a life of walk-in clinics. My life will waste away before my very eyes as I wait for prescription refills. I'll probably become very-well read only to be blinded by the blistering fluorescent lights.... all of which is probably not half as bad as having to shop for/wear a pantsuit to a meet and greet.
That is all.
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