It's time we talked about caskets...
Hey Mom!
So I was googling the price of a casket the other day. Now I know what you're thinking: Mack, even for you that's a bit morbid. Listen, liiiisten, liiiiistennnnn:
Someone told me how expensive funerals are and I absolutely could not believe it. Who do they think we are? Some kind of pharaoh?! So what other recourse did I have? I had to turn to the internet to substantiate such a wild claim.
So anyway, there I am, on the google, when I came across CasketDepot.ca
I'm not entirely sure why I find shopping for a casket in the comfort of my own home so wholly unsettling. But what other option do we have? Imagine trying to shop for a casket with a salesperson hovering around you.
"Can I help you with anything?"
"No thank you, you gaunt gatekeeper of after-life boxes! Stay away from me--" *squints at gloss finish name tag* "Kylene!"
"OK, just to let you know we have some great BOGO deals and 20% when you sign up for----"
"WHAT DID I JUST SAY, KYLENE? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M PERUSING?!?"
And then every 5 minutes they're going to ask if I'm still doing ok when I'm obviously wrestling with my own mortality:
"As a matter of fact, I am not 'doing ok', Kylene! I'm watching my youth dissipate in front of my very eyes while I stare at my own reflection in a high-gloss, swing bar handle, mahogany corpse oyster!" *stops to catch breath* "You know what? This isn't working for me. Do you guys have a catalogue or a website?"
*Kylene, undaunted by my earlier outburst, launches into a very re"hearse"d speech (complete with robotic arm movements).* "Yes! Every month we release a new casket-logue because we know you want to be sure before you start coffin up money for funeral expenses!"
Thank you, I'll be here all week.
That is all.
So I was googling the price of a casket the other day. Now I know what you're thinking: Mack, even for you that's a bit morbid. Listen, liiiisten, liiiiistennnnn:
Someone told me how expensive funerals are and I absolutely could not believe it. Who do they think we are? Some kind of pharaoh?! So what other recourse did I have? I had to turn to the internet to substantiate such a wild claim.
So anyway, there I am, on the google, when I came across CasketDepot.ca
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| That's right ladies and gentlemen, there is a one stop shop for all your casket needs (now accepting PayPal and Air Miles). |
I'm not entirely sure why I find shopping for a casket in the comfort of my own home so wholly unsettling. But what other option do we have? Imagine trying to shop for a casket with a salesperson hovering around you.
"Can I help you with anything?"
"No thank you, you gaunt gatekeeper of after-life boxes! Stay away from me--" *squints at gloss finish name tag* "Kylene!"
"OK, just to let you know we have some great BOGO deals and 20% when you sign up for----"
"WHAT DID I JUST SAY, KYLENE? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M PERUSING?!?"
And then every 5 minutes they're going to ask if I'm still doing ok when I'm obviously wrestling with my own mortality:
"As a matter of fact, I am not 'doing ok', Kylene! I'm watching my youth dissipate in front of my very eyes while I stare at my own reflection in a high-gloss, swing bar handle, mahogany corpse oyster!" *stops to catch breath* "You know what? This isn't working for me. Do you guys have a catalogue or a website?"
*Kylene, undaunted by my earlier outburst, launches into a very re"hearse"d speech (complete with robotic arm movements).* "Yes! Every month we release a new casket-logue because we know you want to be sure before you start coffin up money for funeral expenses!"
Thank you, I'll be here all week.
That is all.
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