I'll take one body cast and a 5 gallon drum of A5-35
Hey Mom!
There is coffee in my hair. There is coffee on my face. There is coffee on my arms. My phone is coated with coffee. A once white carpet has all the splatterings of a medium roast crime scene. I have rug burns and regular burns. Oh yeah, AND I BROKE EVERY BONE IN MY BODY <--- please note this is hyperbole for the purpose of comedy.
What actually happened is I fell down the stairs, while I was falling down said stairs I threw the hot cup of coffee I was carrying into my OWN FACE. Do you know what it's like to catch your own coffee in the face? It's like my only true and constant friend betrayed me. Twist the knife a little more my sweet love, long have I known your bitterness, long have I understood your dark powers, there is no sweetener to soften your edge. Consequently, it looks like the walls are leaking dark ambrosia and I have been injured as well as insulted.
I wish I was in a body cast because that would be less embarrassing that shuffling around my house unable to lift my arms past my shoulders. And what's worse my posterior can no longer bear to be sat upon so I am constantly torn between standing because it's convenient and laying to down to die because at least then it wouldn't hurt to breathe... but hey at least my mug didn't break.
That is all.
There is coffee in my hair. There is coffee on my face. There is coffee on my arms. My phone is coated with coffee. A once white carpet has all the splatterings of a medium roast crime scene. I have rug burns and regular burns. Oh yeah, AND I BROKE EVERY BONE IN MY BODY <--- please note this is hyperbole for the purpose of comedy.
What actually happened is I fell down the stairs, while I was falling down said stairs I threw the hot cup of coffee I was carrying into my OWN FACE. Do you know what it's like to catch your own coffee in the face? It's like my only true and constant friend betrayed me. Twist the knife a little more my sweet love, long have I known your bitterness, long have I understood your dark powers, there is no sweetener to soften your edge. Consequently, it looks like the walls are leaking dark ambrosia and I have been injured as well as insulted.
I wish I was in a body cast because that would be less embarrassing that shuffling around my house unable to lift my arms past my shoulders. And what's worse my posterior can no longer bear to be sat upon so I am constantly torn between standing because it's convenient and laying to down to die because at least then it wouldn't hurt to breathe... but hey at least my mug didn't break.
That is all.
Haha, I think costco has that 5 gallon drum of A5-35 on special right now! Glad to hear you're alive my friend :)
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