Too rich for my blood

Hey Mom!

So if you know me at all, you know that I am one of the cheapest people alive today.  I make my home amongst coupon cutters, recyclers and handcrafters (please note these are not the crafters of hands but rather those who prefer cheaply homemade goods).  As you may imagine, I use the phrase "Too rich for my blood" more often than people post stupid things on Facebook (duh dum chee).  Yeah I didn't think it was that funny either... anywaaaaaaaaaaay

Top Ten Things That Are Too Rich for My Blood

1. Sweet Potato Fries - Firstly they are gross, secondly you want to pay an extra dollar for fries that aren't even worth a dollar in the first place?

2. Brand Name School Supplies - The only difference between your cue cards and mine are the fact that I didn't need to take out a loan to be able to afford small rectangular paper. Nuff said

3. Condiments - Yes, it is weird to ask for ketchup when I buy a coffee but at least it's a free kind of weird.

4. Ya Mama - Because you can't put a price on maternal instinct

5. Bottled Water - I'm sorry is tap water not good enough for you any more?  You think you're too good for our country's life blood?  Mercury poisoning is just a myth that fancy people believe in.  I bet you think malaria is real too! Pfft this guy!

6. Air Conditioning - With the proper fan placement and air circulation action plan AC is never necessary... NEVER

 7. Heat - That's why you own more than one sweater... duh

 8. Paper Towel - That's why you own more than one sleeve... duh

9. Toilet Paper - that's why you own more than one hand... duh  <--- you know sometimes I wonder why I'm single but mostly I don't.

10. People who have a gym membership and only use the treadmills - First of all, I'm pretty sure you pay taxes so you can use sidewalks. Also why not spend hundreds of dollars once and just buy a treadmill?  Those suckers are good for years!  Plus no one will judge you for the television shows you watch while working out.  Well maybe that is just me, but whenever I am at the gym, I either turn the TV off or watch sports because I feel like anything else makes me less fit...

On a completely related note, people who watch the food network at the gym should be stoned on sight.  Yes I am looking at you, ruiners of workouts, awakeners of appetites, conquerors of the weak willed.  There is a broken elliptical in gym purgatory reserved for you.  Too far? Yeah I thought so...

That is all.

Comments

  1. Anonymous12 May 2014 at 19:44

    I <3 your sense of humour. - Tammy

    ReplyDelete

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