WHY DO YOU PEE ON EVERYTHING?
Hey Mom!
Well first of all, I need to say a huge thank you for all the support and kind words I received after my leaving the game post went up. As far as updates are concerned, I sort of feel like I'm in the middle of an awkward break-up. Sometimes I am really excited for what's next and sometimes I sit on the couch in sweatpants and cry because I thought what we had was special and that we were going to be together forever <--- imagine a whiny voice with a few broken sobs. Also for comedic purposes you could also imagine some heavy mascara running down my face and a five gallon bucket of ice cream, this is obviously not the reality because it's allergy season so I don't eat dairy or wear makeup.
And in very slightly related news I got a job working at gym. Which brings me to my next point... STOP PEEING ON EVERYTHING! I don't know what is in their pre workout but I swear I find pee everywhere except in the toilet. It's like working at a daycare that gives out animal crackers and steroids for snack. It's not just the pee, it's the towels and the lack of toilet flushing and the leaving the heaviest dumbbells possible lying in the middle of high traffic areas. Now I get paid to keep the gym clean, so I dust things and mop the floors and disinfect everything that even has a possibility of being touched. I do not, however, get paid to clean up after people who don't have the slightest idea of gym etiquette. So without further ranting or raving....
2. You don't feel the need to flush the toilet. YOU ARE AN ADULT! If I have to keep flushing toilets I am going to start wearing a vest and demanding tips.
3. You wear street shoes... I am not talking about wearing your cross trainers from the car to the gym (although that is prohibited). I am talking about the people who have mud caked onto their shoes and proceed to walk around the gym knowingly leaving a trail of filthy dumbbell footprints all over the gym and the equipment. Sorry did you not see the 16 signs that say "No Street Shoes" or......
4. Ya Mama... gets left at the gym because you forgot you brought her with you.
5. You take 16 towels. Because everyone knows it's magical fairies that wash towels, not real live human beings whose time might be spent better elsewhere.
6. You don't put said 16 towels in the hamper. Everyone else puts their towels in the hamper so stands to reason I should leave it on a bench or piece of equipment. #logic
7. You fling weights. I understand why people drop weights but when people drop them before they've even really lifted them properly, it's not lifting it's flinging. "Bro I can totally fling a solid 250"
8. You don't understand the term Personal Space. I am cleaning equipment and you are patiently waiting for said equipment. That's really great but did you know you can wait for equipment without standing directly behind or in front of me. In fact by waiting in your own personal space you significantly reduce the chances of getting a face full of harsh chemicals.
9. You leave weights lying around. It's like you thought "This is the heaviest object in the whole gym, I'll pick it up and leave right in the middle of the floor and then I'll go home." Great because I really love failing to lift twice my weight and then interrupting a complete stranger's workout so that a better person than you can help me clean up your mess.
10. You talk on the phone. I am not talking about answering your phone and then going to the lobby or outside to finish your conversation. I am talking about you thinking you are so much more important that everyone else that you feel the need to loudly talk about your life while sitting on a piece of equipment. "Yeah bro I am working out right now"... no you aren't. you are actually preventing other people from working out while you yell about how noisy it is in the gym... if only there was somewhere quiet for you to go.
If any of these signs sound familiar you or someone you love maybe a dumbbell... the only cure is blunt force trauma with an actual dumbbell... repeatedly... in the face.
That is all.
Well first of all, I need to say a huge thank you for all the support and kind words I received after my leaving the game post went up. As far as updates are concerned, I sort of feel like I'm in the middle of an awkward break-up. Sometimes I am really excited for what's next and sometimes I sit on the couch in sweatpants and cry because I thought what we had was special and that we were going to be together forever <--- imagine a whiny voice with a few broken sobs. Also for comedic purposes you could also imagine some heavy mascara running down my face and a five gallon bucket of ice cream, this is obviously not the reality because it's allergy season so I don't eat dairy or wear makeup.
And in very slightly related news I got a job working at gym. Which brings me to my next point... STOP PEEING ON EVERYTHING! I don't know what is in their pre workout but I swear I find pee everywhere except in the toilet. It's like working at a daycare that gives out animal crackers and steroids for snack. It's not just the pee, it's the towels and the lack of toilet flushing and the leaving the heaviest dumbbells possible lying in the middle of high traffic areas. Now I get paid to keep the gym clean, so I dust things and mop the floors and disinfect everything that even has a possibility of being touched. I do not, however, get paid to clean up after people who don't have the slightest idea of gym etiquette. So without further ranting or raving....
Top Ten Signs You Might Be A Dumbbell
1.You don't understand stand why you need to wipe off gym equipment after use. It's already drenched in sweat, it'll just take longer to dry if I wipe it down with sanitizer.
2. You don't feel the need to flush the toilet. YOU ARE AN ADULT! If I have to keep flushing toilets I am going to start wearing a vest and demanding tips.
3. You wear street shoes... I am not talking about wearing your cross trainers from the car to the gym (although that is prohibited). I am talking about the people who have mud caked onto their shoes and proceed to walk around the gym knowingly leaving a trail of filthy dumbbell footprints all over the gym and the equipment. Sorry did you not see the 16 signs that say "No Street Shoes" or......
4. Ya Mama... gets left at the gym because you forgot you brought her with you.
5. You take 16 towels. Because everyone knows it's magical fairies that wash towels, not real live human beings whose time might be spent better elsewhere.
6. You don't put said 16 towels in the hamper. Everyone else puts their towels in the hamper so stands to reason I should leave it on a bench or piece of equipment. #logic
7. You fling weights. I understand why people drop weights but when people drop them before they've even really lifted them properly, it's not lifting it's flinging. "Bro I can totally fling a solid 250"
8. You don't understand the term Personal Space. I am cleaning equipment and you are patiently waiting for said equipment. That's really great but did you know you can wait for equipment without standing directly behind or in front of me. In fact by waiting in your own personal space you significantly reduce the chances of getting a face full of harsh chemicals.
9. You leave weights lying around. It's like you thought "This is the heaviest object in the whole gym, I'll pick it up and leave right in the middle of the floor and then I'll go home." Great because I really love failing to lift twice my weight and then interrupting a complete stranger's workout so that a better person than you can help me clean up your mess.
10. You talk on the phone. I am not talking about answering your phone and then going to the lobby or outside to finish your conversation. I am talking about you thinking you are so much more important that everyone else that you feel the need to loudly talk about your life while sitting on a piece of equipment. "Yeah bro I am working out right now"... no you aren't. you are actually preventing other people from working out while you yell about how noisy it is in the gym... if only there was somewhere quiet for you to go.
If any of these signs sound familiar you or someone you love maybe a dumbbell... the only cure is blunt force trauma with an actual dumbbell... repeatedly... in the face.
That is all.
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