How to Be Productive!

Hey Mom!

 So I've figured out this whole 'self-motivation' thing. You're welcome! I know what you're thinking Mack, many people with more education, life experience and good looks than you have been studying the art of motivation for decades! How have you accomplished such a feat?!? The short answer is that I have turned to chemical enhancement. The long answer is forthcoming!

 Steps to a Productive Day:

  1. Get up! This is probably the hardest part for most people. I like to promise myself food or set a really loud and scary alarm clock.
  2. Waste most of your day! This is definitely the easiest part. Lately I've been playing a lot of Pocket Camp which (while incredibly empowering) is a complete and utter waste of my time. There are so many other more better things I could be doing! But planting my butt on the couch and draining the hours away on a bit of Pocket Camp reaallly drains those long hours out of my day.
    This is my character: she is zany and has green hair.... This is also the face I make when I'm trying to pretend to have fun.
  3. Drink an energy drink on an empty stomach! I know what you're thinking Mack, won't that destroy my stomach and give me heart palpitations? The answer is yes, productivity palpitations. If you can't sit still, you can't be lazy.
  4. Put on some jams! You know what your heart palpitations need? A bit of base drum! Get the tunes pumping like your poor, poor, cardiovascular system.
  5. Live your best life. I sang, I danced, I ate a lot of cheese and cleaned my kitchen. I also had the confidence to pretend to try a new hairstyle. Productivity (ie chemical enhancement via a Monster energy drink) can give you the self-esteem to be your best, most whimsical self.
Listen, this week has not been great in terms of productivity but yesterday I followed these steps. Not only did I make it to the gym, I ACTUALLY WORKED OUT! <--- sometimes I just mess around on the cardio equipment and lip sync to my favourite songs.

 So if you're having a tough time, give your caboose a boost with some super juice (to be clear, I do not mean steroids.... I mean an energy drink.... because that's what I've been talking about this whole time).

 That is all.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Richard Cross 1960-2014

Image
Loss can seem unfair in so many ways.  It feels unfair when it seems too soon.  It feels unfair that some pass old and grey while others seem to live within the span of mere moments.  To me, the most unfair aspect of loss is that nothing stops.  Tomorrow will still come, the phone will still ring.  People will continue working and tweeting and texting as if all is well in the world.  The world should stop, everyone should stop. Why don't they stop? Richard Cross had an impact on the people that he met.  Richard Cross was a husband, a father, a brother, a friend.  Richard Cross was significant, and saw the significance of the people he interacted with. So why? Why during this time of loss is there still work and traffic and classes? How can the internet machine continue to churn out meaningless posts while we are faced with the daunting task of mixing joy and sorrow?  While we celebrate the life of Richard Cross and we accept the fact that our world is a little paler.  Why don&#
Read more

12 Kilometres of Consequences

Image
Hey Mom! Once again, I have been humbled by reality and general principles of physics. I want to start by saying that at no point in time should you feel sorry for me during this story. I did this to myself. I was doing a fair bit of running at the beginning of COVID but then I got sad and busy and also sad so I stopped. Since June 2020 I have run exactly TWO times. ALSO (because you really should not have even an ounce of pity for me) it is important to note that I have never been a long distance runner... ever. Onward! I decided to participate in an ultra marathon relay (ie. I ran part of a race that some people can run all by themselves… good for them). In the beginning, I had every intention of taking this seriously. I was going to go for runs and workout and drink water. What I did do was exactly none of those things. Instead I rolled up on race day wearing my housecoat with a backpack full of snacks. I drank 200mL of water and went on my way. Just a fool in a housecoat tempting f
Read more

Irreversibly Redeemed

Hey Mom! Wanna hear something cool and mildly disgusting? Of course you do... that's why you're here.  I have two zits that are symmetrically located on either side of my nose... pretty awesome eh?  These gemini zits are brought to you by your local final exams.  That's right folks just 3 back to back exams and I am home free! You may have noticed that this weekend is Easter.  There are so many things I love about Easter: time with family, a long weekend and the knowledge that the last few new years resolution survivors are being crushed under the temptation of creme eggs and chocolate bunnies so all the Facebook statuses about them being better than the rest of us is going to finally come to an end. There is one thing about Easter that I do have a bit of a struggle with... the fact that someone else had to die for me. It's not because it doesn't paint the perfect picture of love... it does.   It's not because I don't believe it happened... I do
Read more