Hey Mom!

Hey Mom! I'm posting this a little later than usual because I was waiting to see if the banana bread I made would cause projectile vomit and emotional trauma.  Since that didn't happen I had to pick something equally unpleasant: running. So as I'm sure you are sick of hearing I PLAYED A SPORT THAT ONE TIME... great now that we've got that out of the way.  Recently, I've been running again because I was operating under the assumption that I  love  running.  Turns out, I  loved  running.  You want to know why? Because I didn't need to run. Nowadays running is an integral part of my fitness routine.  So in honour of this epiphany I have decided to present you with the following juxtapositions: Running: Then and Now Then: I'm bored I think I'll go for a run. Now: It's cardio day? Again? Well I think I love running. I just need 45 minutes to emotional prepare myself. Then: Well I guess I better fuel up... I'll just eat 4 tacos on my way o

Hey Mom! So I decided to pour all my momentum from my un-victory reversal into another adult related hurdle which is sleep. I am really good at getting up at the same time every morning (6:15-6:30) however, I am AWFUL at falling asleep at the same time every night.  Now before you go and give me a bunch of logical, level-headed suggestions like Turn off your phone 2 hours before you go to bed or Try melatonin or here's this breathing thing I learned that is supposed to put you to sleep in SECONDS know that I have tried all these except melatonin because I'm not a billionaire and vitamins/supplements are a complete RIP OFF... Listen,  I'm sure you used an essential oil once and it put you right to sleep but it's just more economical to pop a couple benedryl and catch your zeds that way (that's right I said zeds because I'm Canadian as fluff). ***IF THERE ARE ANY MINORS READING THIS DO NOT USE BENEDRYL AS A SLEEP AID... you'll probably pee the bed AND the

Hey Mom! So this week I knocked another item off my Things-All-Adults-Should-Know-How-To-Do list which was learning to drive a standard.  Every adult should know how to do this because in the case of a weird emergency where someone is slightly maimed but not maimed enough to require an ambulance an adult-type person might have to drive a car with a manual transmission (also for those of you who are all yeah but what if the adult is blind? You are making a pretty hasty generalization when you say all adults... I would say the following: Don't be dumb). I've made a previous attempt but if I am honest (and with the amount of bowel related information I share, you should know that I am nothing if not honest), the only successes I had were: 1. Successfully stalling the car six times in a row 2. Successfully having someone give up on teaching me. See kids? When you put successfully in front it looks like you didn't fail miserably (thumbs up!). I would like to take this

Hey Mom! The adventure continues! So far this summer has been a summer of learning to adult better. However, I am finding more and more that this is a sort of two steps forward, one step back situation.  Here is my one step back: I got stuck in a jacket for at least an hour at work last week. Now for those of you who don't know... I spend almost no money on clothes (the outfit I am currently wearing cost me $6) so you can imagine that spending 5 whole Canadian dollars on a jacket was a BIG deal.  Some of the folly involved with buying clothes at a reduced cost is sometimes they have flaws intrinsic to their construction. The flaw with the jacket is that it has a sort of flap that fits under the zipper. Now I've had the jacket for awhile and as far as I can tell, the flap serves only one purpose: getting stuck in the zipper.  What this means is that I get temporarily stuck in the jacket every time I try to zip or unzip it (which is really embarrassing because even Franklin

Hey Mom! LAST WEEK: Mack, Wizard of Fish, was down on her luck as she ate expired fish and proceeded to have an out of bowel experience. THIS WEEK: On Thursday night (or Canada Day Eve, if you prefer) I made fish and chips: Marvel at the light flakey exterior, look in want at the crispness of the chips In the interest of being honest I feel you should know I burnt the first two... badly... really badly Now there are a few pieces of knowledge I'd like to impart upon you mere mortals (the fish wizard is immortal, in case you were wondering). 1. I know absolutely nothing about beer. Neither of my parents drink and I played sports for so long and feel strongly that athletes shouldn't drink (unpopular, I know). So I walked into the liquor store looking for a single can of beer (firstly, WOW you can buy a single can of beer?!?), I gazed upon the wall of single beer cans and thought  does lite beer mean it's diet, like it's got a bunch of aspartame in it? S