Learning How to Be an Adult: Bedtime
Hey Mom!
So I decided to pour all my momentum from my un-victory reversal into another adult related hurdle which is sleep. I am really good at getting up at the same time every morning (6:15-6:30) however, I am AWFUL at falling asleep at the same time every night. Now before you go and give me a bunch of logical, level-headed suggestions like Turn off your phone 2 hours before you go to bed or Try melatonin or here's this breathing thing I learned that is supposed to put you to sleep in SECONDS know that I have tried all these except melatonin because I'm not a billionaire and vitamins/supplements are a complete RIP OFF... Listen, I'm sure you used an essential oil once and it put you right to sleep but it's just more economical to pop a couple benedryl and catch your zeds that way (that's right I said zeds because I'm Canadian as fluff).
***IF THERE ARE ANY MINORS READING THIS DO NOT USE BENEDRYL AS A SLEEP AID... you'll probably pee the bed AND the second night it definitely keeps you wide awake for hours and then you drift into a horrible half sleep that is your brain's way of cleansing all the weird and terrible dreams that it felt were too psychologically damaging to let you remember.***
Now currently, I am in the unique position of being able to establish a regular sleep pattern. I won't be working as much in the fall and for once my class schedule isn't insane so this is the perfect opportunity to set up a good, healthy habit that will no doubt carry me on to great things (my memoirs will be called Sleep, they weren't kidding). I decided to go to bed at 10:30 so that I would get almost 8 hours of sleep at night (for those of you who are all But Mack you need at least 8 hours a night! Listen, you mortals might need 8 but I usually get by on 5 or 6 so why don't you go take a nap because you're obviously tired and cranky).
Anyway here is a timeline for how the week worked out:
Sunday: Midnight -- oops
Ok so we're trying something new, my body isn't used to it yet, things will get better.
Monday:1:00am
Well.... maybe the lack of sleep will help me crash really hard tomorrow.
Tuesday:4:00am
Why is this happening to me?!? Around 3 I started to wonder if there was even any point in falling asleep... turns out there wasn't because I was wide awake by 6 am.
Wednesday:10:00pm
Ah ha! Victory at last... all I needed was a 20 minute power cry alone in my car after work... tuckered me right out.
Thursday: 11:00pm
I think we are making some progress here.
Friday: who knows?
This friends is what I like to call being back to square one.
Saturday: Not sure but I diagnosed myself with both chronic and acute insomnia around 2am (thanks WebMD!) and then stopped checking the time after 4:26am.
At this point I've given up. Sure I'll never reach peak cognitive performance, I'll never know what my eyes look like without bags under them and I'll never get the super powers promised by countless health articles, but at least I know I can live without sleep.
That's right y'all are addicts... some of you are just fun addicts like your friend who is on level 485 of Candy Crush but they don't send you Facebook invites so you are cool with it... some of you are the kind of addicts that will steal from their mother and sell their organs just to get a hit of that sweet, sweet REM sleep.
So what did we learn this week? Well, I learned that being an adult is just behaving like an adult with or without sleep. It's learning to shut down your brain when it screams Kick this idiot in the knee caps! just because someone said 'Good morning' but they did it with a tone... you know that your sleep-deprived brain is a lunatic.
Adults never listen to their brain.
That is all.
So I decided to pour all my momentum from my un-victory reversal into another adult related hurdle which is sleep. I am really good at getting up at the same time every morning (6:15-6:30) however, I am AWFUL at falling asleep at the same time every night. Now before you go and give me a bunch of logical, level-headed suggestions like Turn off your phone 2 hours before you go to bed or Try melatonin or here's this breathing thing I learned that is supposed to put you to sleep in SECONDS know that I have tried all these except melatonin because I'm not a billionaire and vitamins/supplements are a complete RIP OFF... Listen, I'm sure you used an essential oil once and it put you right to sleep but it's just more economical to pop a couple benedryl and catch your zeds that way (that's right I said zeds because I'm Canadian as fluff).
***IF THERE ARE ANY MINORS READING THIS DO NOT USE BENEDRYL AS A SLEEP AID... you'll probably pee the bed AND the second night it definitely keeps you wide awake for hours and then you drift into a horrible half sleep that is your brain's way of cleansing all the weird and terrible dreams that it felt were too psychologically damaging to let you remember.***
Now currently, I am in the unique position of being able to establish a regular sleep pattern. I won't be working as much in the fall and for once my class schedule isn't insane so this is the perfect opportunity to set up a good, healthy habit that will no doubt carry me on to great things (my memoirs will be called Sleep, they weren't kidding). I decided to go to bed at 10:30 so that I would get almost 8 hours of sleep at night (for those of you who are all But Mack you need at least 8 hours a night! Listen, you mortals might need 8 but I usually get by on 5 or 6 so why don't you go take a nap because you're obviously tired and cranky).
Anyway here is a timeline for how the week worked out:
Sunday: Midnight -- oops
Ok so we're trying something new, my body isn't used to it yet, things will get better.
Monday:1:00am
Well.... maybe the lack of sleep will help me crash really hard tomorrow.
Tuesday:4:00am
Why is this happening to me?!? Around 3 I started to wonder if there was even any point in falling asleep... turns out there wasn't because I was wide awake by 6 am.
Wednesday:10:00pm
Ah ha! Victory at last... all I needed was a 20 minute power cry alone in my car after work... tuckered me right out.
Thursday: 11:00pm
I think we are making some progress here.
Friday: who knows?
This friends is what I like to call being back to square one.
Saturday: Not sure but I diagnosed myself with both chronic and acute insomnia around 2am (thanks WebMD!) and then stopped checking the time after 4:26am.
At this point I've given up. Sure I'll never reach peak cognitive performance, I'll never know what my eyes look like without bags under them and I'll never get the super powers promised by countless health articles, but at least I know I can live without sleep.
That's right y'all are addicts... some of you are just fun addicts like your friend who is on level 485 of Candy Crush but they don't send you Facebook invites so you are cool with it... some of you are the kind of addicts that will steal from their mother and sell their organs just to get a hit of that sweet, sweet REM sleep.
So what did we learn this week? Well, I learned that being an adult is just behaving like an adult with or without sleep. It's learning to shut down your brain when it screams Kick this idiot in the knee caps! just because someone said 'Good morning' but they did it with a tone... you know that your sleep-deprived brain is a lunatic.
Adults never listen to their brain.
That is all.
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