Hey Mom!

Hey Mom! You know what I think? Of course you don’t, if you didn't you wouldn’t be reading this.  I think that people should be heckled more often... the idea was prompted by the fact that I am working on a bucket list and I thought about putting “Try Stand-Up Comedy” on it but then I realized that drunk people heckling me doesn’t sound as appealing.  Think about all the inconsiderate things you see on a regular basis, if those people were heckled maybe they would be more conscientious of their fellow man.  So in the spirit of Christmas and bringing goodwill toward men I give you: Top Ten Actions People Should Be Heckled For 1. Asking someone a googleable question... in this case I am referred to students who waste everybody’s time by asking a prof a question that can be answered by the glossary in the back of the text book or by looking at a map of campus... get yourself together 2. Heckling someone for an invalid reason like their poor fashion sense or their political

Hey Mom! So I haven’t posted anything lately because this time of year feels like a post-apocalyptic war zone.  I know what you are thinking: How so? Please elaborate so we might appreciate your genius.... Very well, let me paint you a picture.... The year is 2013. 2012 made us question everything about human nature and most of us assumed we wouldn’t survive but now we are here.  They call it first semester but everyday we fight so it won’t be our last.  We haven’t slept since it began, morning classes, evening classes it doesn’t matter we all feel the insomnia gnawing at our bones.  All the while that voice calls softly  just stay in bed today,   class isn’t that important. Never reason with it. Never. Once you reason with it, you acknowledge that it’s real, once it is real it owns you.  We watch each other from shadowed eyes like hunted animals waiting for the next obstacle.  Once kept hair, gets ties up into knotted buns.  Sweatpants and hoodies are the only clothes in sig

Hey Mom! So I am driving back from Ontario and I should technically be studying right now but my mind is wandering more than a vagabond.  A few people have asked me why I don’t post more about basketball... basketball is a really big part of my life right now but this blog doesn’t really reflect that.  Well here’s why: 1.You don’t know me like that 2.  When things are going badly I sound pathetic “Poor me, I suck merh merh merh excuses merh merh tired merh merh merh” 3.When things are going well I sound like I am bragging: “I am the best player in the world, I could be the next Michael Jordan, I scored all the points in existence” 4. Ya Mama 5. I’d feel obligated to explain any basketball jargon and it would bog down my posts.  The sports enthusiasts would feel like I was being condescending and everyone else would just be bored. 6. The majority of my posts are dedicated to pointing out the stupid things people say and I am pretty sure my teammates would

Hey Mom! So I have been living in Winnipeg for over a month now and before I left a lot of people gave me various pieces of advice and insight based on their experiences in Winnipeg.  They.All.Lied.  Maybe lied is the wrong word, but there are a ton of things people neglected to mention.....  Top Five Things People Didn’t Tell Me About Winnipeg There are all these towns with French names but if you pronounce them with a french accent people will look at you like you just murdered a puppy.  All the signs are bilingual and yet one mustn’t sound french. Say quoi?  There is goose feces EVERYWHERE, what is the goose population 17 times the national average or something. Someone planned Winnipeg by letting their kid scribble all over a map which is why the intersections are all at strange angles with 5 roads converging on a single intersection. Ya Mama The Heat:   “Winnipeg is so cold”  “Have fun in Winterpeg” “Make sure you bring a ton of warm clothing” Why didn’t

Hey Mom! So... university... it's uh something else.... ITS FREAKING AWESOME.  I love going to class everyday (adjusts glasses and pocket protecter).  I used a lab with a real fume hood, all the chemicals were new AND I had my own hot plate (that worked and didn't spark when you plugged it in).... yeah I don't miss Olds College. Top Ten Ways to Freak Out Your Roommate When you first meet your roommate say "So tell me about your medical history?" Buy 3 or 4 of the same shirt and wear one everyday Put your shampoo into a condiment bottle (ex. mustard) Ya Mama... seriously it'd be weird if you brought her to live with you on campus Ask them to keep track of how many sheets of toilet paper they use so you can split the cost fairly. Take care of an imaginary cat, apologize for all the cat hair and leave a food dish out (empty it when you roomie is out for maximum effect) Burst into fits of hysterical laughter while by yourself On your side of the cup

Hey Mom! Sanity Whenever large scale events are involved sanity comes into question.  Long days, no sleep, and high stress levels in heavy enough concentrations can send anyone teetering on the edge of madness. At the office sanity comes in the form of one person and that person’s name cannot be divulged because then I would have to kill you (or at the very least send you to a different dimension).  Also getting to know her renewed my faith in humanity as she taught me problem solving, "graphic design" (cut and paste) and my personal favourite “Office Antics 101”. Office Antics 101 is basically using the interoffice envelopes to send official looking mail to someone so that a third party might assume it is something actually work related but it is actually a letter from a “secret admirer” or an ancient CD (see section Chaos Followed by Boredom for further details).  Office Antics 101 does not prevent insanity but it definitely channels the crazy into safer a

So I know it’s been awhile and I promised to do a blog about my job this summer but  haven’t had internet or the patience to get ‘er done. First of all, let me just say that these were some of the best people I have ever worked with.  Great people, hard working but quirky, very, very quirky. This summer I worked with a committee organising a plowing competition.  When I was hired and they started talking about plowing (yes plowing a field) my eyes would glaze over and I would smile and nod.  I feel reasonably confident I could now write my dissertation on the topic of plowing competitions and yes it does cause some degree of consternation. Interview: I was asked one question during my interview “Do you think you can do this job?”  the first 30 minutes were spent with my boss talking about the event and how spectacular it would be.  My job would be assisting with two events taking place over the summer. But my MAIN task, the biggest priority is this handbook.  The handbook

Hey Mom! *Warning* this is a rant! Unlike all my other post? Shut up.  I realize I haven't done an official post about my job this summer but don't worry it's coming, until then I intend on being vague and mysterious (because I have sooooo many people reading this... 3 whole views, aweh one of those was me).  I walked into work this morning to find a note on my desk from one of my co-workers: Hey, blah blah  work stuff  blah blah blah  spreadsheets blah blah blah it's really important you don't forget blah blah blah I hope you meet a man at the airport tonight who will take care of you. Do I give off an air of desperation of something? Don't answer that.  A lot of people at work joke about me marrying one of the guys staying in Olds. But for every two people who are kidding, there is one person who is actually serious (one person asked me if I could keep a house properly).  Which brings me to my next point: Did I miss the

Hey Mom! So the reasons I haven't been posting very much lately are as follows: 1) I keep thinking I should repost all my top ten lists first but there are tons of them so I just get lazy and go play candy crush saga 2) I haven't decided which pieces of writing to repost because while two years ago I thought I was lofty and articulate, I was actually being a little punk with no literary sense. 3)I want to repost the first two years but I have to go through it first because some of the stuff I said (posted?) was ok for my friends and family but the general public should be shielded from my ...uh... "genius". 4)Also I now work on a computer all day so I kind of resent my laptop now... But here I am so, I might as well do a quick top ten Top Ten Questions I Have About Public Blogs 10. Can I still point out how stupid some people are? 9. Am I allowed to complain/brag about my job? 8. Stranger danger?!?! 7. Do I have to cite my sources? 6. MLA or APA?

Hey Mom! We are now in the final stage of the Mackenzie T. Judd relocation program. Stage 1: Denial           No I am not really going to lose my blog, it'll all be ok. Stage 2: Self-preservation     The hour I spent copy and pasting over 50 thousand words from         my blog to a word document.  I have now accepted my blog is going, going, gone. Stage 3: Relocation        Careful selection of a site, based on price ($0), quality (the first one that came up on google) and user friendliness (the one that required the least amount of reading to sign up for).  Stage 4: Rehabilitation      Learning how to love again... shawwebspace said it would never leave me!  I trusted you shaw! What kind of people are you powered by?1? The only thing I am sort of stuck on is, to repost or not? Right now I think I will try to repost my top ten lists and perhaps the incredibly funny posts (so all of them). For those of you who are new to my blog allow me t