Hey Mom!

Hey Mom! So I sort of jumped the gun on my holiday posts so this week is not festive in nature but in this, the time of year when we are surrounded by loved ones-- OH WAIT! I'LL DO SOME REFLECTING... hang on let me grab a mirror. I don't actually own a handheld mirror and so I just took a picture of my tv reflection... why didn't I use the bathroom mirror? I have a perfectly logical reason that is none of your business. Yep. Still got it. That is all.

Hey Mom! So this week someone at work said that I was "sociable" and "outgoing" and while I am not complaining about receiving a compliment, I definitely feel that this is not the most accurate description of my personality. Sure, I have an uncurbable enthusiasm than is ever-expanding like the universe itself but that is coupled with the attitude that people are generally exhausting. HOWEVER! I've decided to really lean into this compliment because it's the time of year where you are surrounded by all your friends... and family... constantly. So at some point you will have to be outgoing and sociable when you don't want to be. Have no fear (and please don't strangle anyone with an ugly Christmas sweater)! I have compiled a list of things to do to trick people into thinking you are outgoing!  Top 10 Tips and Tricks for Being "Sociable" 1. Smile - use a mirror to make sure you aren't just baring your teeth. If you think you may h

Hey Mom! I'm currently pushing the limits of the imaginary Thursday deadline I've made for myself. I know what you're thinking Mack, this thrill seeking behaviour is dangerous. I know, I've written myself a strongly worded admonishment and put it in my day planner with the hopes that I'll be more responsible in the future. I would like to talk to you today about a selfish Christmas decision that I made today. I looked all that was holly and jolly straight in the face and said "Bah! Humbug!" <--- this is not true, I added it for stylistic purposes and also because a humbug sounds like a really fun friend who knows the melody but none of the words to all your favourite songs. I bought Star Wars wrapping paper. Not because I come from a long line of Star Wars fans (if anything, I come from a long line of Star Wars tolerators). Not because Star Wars is Christmas themed (although a tauntaun of people have made the case that Episode V is full of Ho

Hey Mom! If you've been in this alcove of the internet for awhile you know that I'm fairly certain that my life is a sitcom. With that in mind, a car dweller tendency (CDT) may be defined in the following way: Car Dweller Tendencies (CDT) - if you found out I was living out of my car, you wouldn't be surprised. Now, I'm imagining a cartoonish sitcom world where solutions to all problems can be found within 30 minutes. This means that I'm probably living in my car for a hilarious and very fixable reason (like I'm too stubborn to admit that a clown lamp given to me as a housewarming gift scares me... or something, I haven't put too much thought into it). So recently, I pulled into work and happened to park next to my boss.... then I realized that I had a pillow, a sleeping bag and a waffle iron in the backseat from a recent trip to Lethbridge (don't ask me why I needed a waffle iron, I just did). Then I realized if my boss walked past my car and th

Hey Mom! So this week is more of announcement than a tale of shenanigans gone horribly wrong... well ok, maybe just a quick tale of shenanigans gone horribly wrong. On the weekend, my roommate was gone so I thought it would be the perfect time to unleash the fiercest choreography my living room had ever seen. I turned on the music. I yelled along in the key of flat discordant chaos. I felt the music in my soul. Then. It. All. Went. Wrong. Unfortunately, I did not feel the music in my soles. There was a bit of a coordination mix up which resulted in pain. My living room saw the rise and fall of a dance legend that night. It gets worse. My boss also happens to be my physiotherapist WHICH MEANS I had to explain to another grown adult that I can barely walk this week because I have an uncurbable enthusiasm for dance coupled with all the ability of a dead sloth. Ok announcement time! I am very happy to announce that I have created something of a one-stop shop for all my

Hey Mom! So the honeymoon stage has worn off my gap year and now a sort of listlessness has set in.... I used to have lists for each class, each day of the week plus monthly lists and long term lists. Now? I have no lists. But on Thursday I was once again swept up in adventure, the harrowing tale to follow. *I want to preface this with saying that my roommate does 99% of the yard work but otherwise I would die* So I decided I was going to rake the backyard. Fuelled by Reactin and the promise of a sweet Benedryl slumber later on, I set about my task. I hoisted the rake above my head and released my battle cry into the cold autumn wind ... ...Then about ten minutes later it started raining so I went inside because it was cold and I didn't like it. BUT FRIDAY, a day traditionally used for evening naps and the consumption of various forms of melted cheese, I was ready. I donned my rubber boots with their thermal lining, I layered a long-sleeve under a t-shirt (mostly becaus

Hey Mom! So we have an employee bathroom at work which someone has mercifully stocked with Poo-Pourri. Personally, I avoid using the bathroom while I'm working. I know what you're thinking Oh, you are one of those people that won't use public bathrooms aren't you? No. I have no problem dropping a deuce in a public bathroom because that is what bathrooms are for ... but using the bathroom throws off my momentum. Anyway, recently someone has moved the Poo-Pourri to a more prominent spot in the bathroom in what I can only assume is some sort of passive aggressive power move.  This is very exciting for so many reasons.  But first and foremost is the idea of a Poo-Pourri memo getting circulated around the office.   SUPER SAIYAN DUMPING FACE In the event that I am tasked with constructing such a memo (very unlikely but dreams come true every day), I have come up with a rough draft so that my time to shine will be as brilliant as all the suns in the universe: Hel

Hey Mom! So I think we both knew I wasn't going to stop posting but it's important to note that we are moving from  Hey Mom! The Undergraduate Years  to  Hey Mom! The Gap Year(s).  So what does one do with a year off? Well, I don't actually know because this is my first year off since pre-kindergarten (which, let me tell you, pre-K was a griiiiiiind). But I can tell you that this year, as I descend upon a quarter century I fully intend to follow my dreams and eat a well-balanced diet. With that in mind, I have put together a top ten list of things you should do in the first official month of your gap year: Preorder a book!  Like a mother-fluffing billionaire with time to read for leisure.  Full disclosure : I used a coupon AND a giftcard. Buy a really nice day planner!  For years I promised myself that one day I would purchase a beautiful day planner and that day has come! It came with tabs, weekly sheets with enough room to write a novel about my day-to-day acti

Hey Mom! So this one is going to be serious (I know you think I'm being sarcastic because that is the precedent I've set, but I'm not...ish, I don't know, I haven't decided yet). I finished my degree today! I know what you're thinking: Does this mean this hub of oversharing and 'Ya Mama' references is finally at an end?!? Probably not because in a lot of ways nothing has changed. I'm at home on a Saturday night studying (and by studying I mean doing this when I should be studying for the MCAT), finishing my degree doesn't change my employment at all, it doesn't change the prefix in front of my name, it doesn't magically transform me into a proper adult or stop me from eating dry cereal in bed or playing too much boggle online. But guess what, Mom? I CAN FINALLY KEEP MY MONEY! That's right, despite the university's best efforts, I emerge an unfashionably-clad phoenix from the ashes of essays and exams and textbooks (I think

Hey Mom! This is the follow up to my Honest Resume  as I have recently searched for AND garnered employment...you know after applying for four months straight and getting zero responses (I have first aid and a pair of dress pants so the world is my minimum-wage oyster). So naturally, I know everything there is to know about job interviews (I've had two this week which is probably some sort of record). So here is the Mack Judd recipe for job interview success: Respond 'assertively' (ie. aggressively) to every question . This shows initiative and a confident attitude. Some suggestions include: "What makes you a good fit for our company?" "What makes you think you're a good fit for our company?!?" Wear a name tag. This tells the manager that they don't have to know your name or care about you at all. It helps if it's a neon name tag because then when they close their eyes at night your name is burned into their retinas.   Do some

Hey Mom! So it's 2:44am and I should be writing an essay about this weird fable I read about how mankind defeated the animal kingdom with yams and frying pans. But I am not. Because I don't waaaannaaaa. But I will. Eventually. After this. And a snack. I'm so unbelievably close to being finished these courses and therefore my degree. While I am not going to return to grad-monitions because I thought I was going to die last time (if you haven't been scarred by the photos click here ). However, I'm going to talk to you about a new development in my life as the end of my undergraduate life approaches. Stress dreams. Now I've written about these before but basically I have two different types of stress dreams: 1.Trying to prevent the dumb bunny version of me from doing dumb bunny things. So basically there are two of me and regular me is trying to stop the other version from me from destroying both of us. Some examples include: A basketball coach says &quo

Hey Mom! So around quarter to 7 this evening, I decided that I was going to be productive. You see, friends, I had been trying to be productive all day but it just wasn't happening (unless you count lackadaisically snacking as productivity). So I did a murderous cardio workout, shaved my armpits (for aerodynamic purposes), put lotion on the eczema patch on my shoulder and strapped in for an evening of productivity carefully metered by a series of timers. And boy-howdy was I productive! I fired on all cylinders, burned the midnight oil, put my nose to the grindstone, run the gamut (I'm not entirely sure that last one is applicable in this instance). In any case, it is after 2am and physically I am wide awake, however; after 7 hours of schoolwork, I have all the cognitive ability of a sofa that someone threw into the ocean and then was ingested by a giant squid and digested (so squid poop)... don't worry I'm going to leave this til tomorrow so I can add in all the w

Hey Mom! So I attended my first Lindy Hop workshop this weekend and I have a few things to say but before I say those things I would like to preface them as indicated by the following change of font: If you want to try a new activity and you're scared people will be complete trash-goblins toward you because you're new, swing dancing is a pretty good place to start. I've been to social dances in Lethbridge, Calgary and Edmonton so far and everyone I have encountered has been super amiable (and patient) and welcoming (and patient) with the exception of ONE GUY who was still amiable and patient, just a little too confident in his "complete spatial awareness" also all the people we bumped into on the dance floor were extremely gracious about being jostled.  Aaaaanyway, I decided to attend Spring Fling this year and I have a few anecdotes/advice (probably bad advice but if you've been here before, you know this) for anyone who was like me and thought If I go,

Hey Mom! So I recently found myself staring into the eyes of an armadillo-shaped disco ball thinking How did I end up here? Turns out they have concerts on weekdays (who knew?) and turns out I have a friend who wanted to attend such an event. Meet Laura ( hiiiiii Lauwwwwhraaa ), it was Laura's birthday and so she wanted to go to a concert. As I happen to be in close proximity to her, I was invited along. At first, I said no thank you. You see, Laura is an extrovert, meaning she loves just hanging out in densely populated areas. I know what you're thinking: Mack, this Laura woman sounds like a hoot! You're not wrong but I am most definitely, not an extrovert. Now I've mentioned it at least a dozen times here but I will say it again: introverted does NOT mean shy, it means you need time by yourself to recharge. So when I say I'm introverted what I really mean is PEOPLE ARE EXHAUSTING. Generally speaking, people are surprised when I say I'm introverted becau

Hey Mom! Until recently, I had not been clothes shopping since 2014. I know what you're thinking Mack, you love the mall! Yeah I do because there's a NEW YORK FRIES there! But with my  wizening with age, I am attempting to pursue a sunnier disposition whilst educating the youths. So I have carefully profiled the perfect shopping battle buddy which I will share with you now: The most important thing is that you shop with someone who is a bit mean. Now, Mom, given that you’ve gone with me twice in the past week or so, your feelings may be a bit hurt. But have no fear Mom, (also please don’t put me up for adoption). To clarify, this person is going to seem mean because nothing stings like “Hey those pants make you look like a lion tamer” when you’ve finally worked up the courage to try something on after two hours of walking into stores, looking around and saying None of this will look good on me so there’s no point on even trying… I'm basically an urchin. But trus

Hey Mom! I attempted a prank on my Dad early this morning... it didn't exactly go according to plan: So it is technically April Fool's Day (12:14am) I'm writing this because I'm currently plotting. I know what you're thinking: You should be doing school work. I know that and you know that... but if we don't talk about it's almost like it's not there.  For those of you who don't know, I used to prank my Dad every year until I went too far (I must never speak of it again). So I decided to retire before someone got hurt or I got written out of the will. But seeing as this is the last year I'll be living with my parents for the foreseeable future, I've decided to bring it back for one last hurrah.  As we speak the jello (containing his car keys) is setting, once it's done I will insert a picture here: Notice that this is not car keys in jello.... that is because the jello never set. Now I'm going to go tell my Dad I need to

Hey Mom! So I like the idea of natural remedies. The idea of limited side effects and being able to brag about how much better I am than you on Facebook... What? I'M KIDDING (if you're offended by this take some peppermint extract and shove it where the sun don't shine). It just seems like if I could solve a problem at home with a bit of lemon juice and garlic instead of sitting in a crowded waiting room, being contagious and being contaged upon, why wouldn't I? So I did some research, I started at forums to find articles, I went to articles and found an array of doctors and naturopaths who seemed credible. Then when I went to the doctor to get a throat swab to test for strep throat and she told me that the recovery time was the same with or without antibiotics. So I think to myself, well while I am waiting for this throat swab I might as well try out a few of these remedies!  So this is day oneish: As you can see it is uncomfortable but not horrendous. So I di

Hey Mom! So I've been waiting until everything is nearly certain to write about this because: a. I didn't want to jinx it. b. Getting all the classes I needed amidst prerequisite waivers and cancellations has been sad and stressful. Now that we're over halfway in the semester and I haven't been in a car accident, plummeted into depression, transferred schools, moved cities or failed any tests I feel reasonable comfortable imagining a world where I graduate in June(ish). Every now and again I have what I like to call  grad-monitions which is basically a premonition of what life will be like out in the real world (you know, until I go back to school in a year). I would like to share these with you in the coming weeks as I sort out my life. Grad-monition #1:  Living in one spot for more than 8 months. I am a human tumbleweed, except not in the cool, old western way. It's more like the dumpster fire, fuelled by garbage juice and good intentions, that got s

Hey Mom! So I'm not going to talk about minecraft today for two reasons: 1. It's my Dad's birthday. 2. I'm scared that it's the only reason you come back is to hear about minecraft and once I talk about it you'll leave and I'll be alone again :( So I thought about what to write about: my upbringing, my Dad's upbringing, your upbringing. Then I realized the only upbringing I'm going to do is bringing up my passport photo. At the turn of the season as summer gave way to autumn, I realized I needed to renew my passport. Apparently so did my Dad. So we piled into the car with my mom and head to our local Shopper's drug mart to get new photos done. And it is at this point that the normal ends. Firstly, they take your passport photo right in the middle of the store.  There is no photo centre, there is no alcove to hide your hideous passport hair. That's right they put a white pop-up background behind you and just snap your photo. So w

Hey Mom! Have you ever just known that something was it? Like walking into a store and knowing a shirt was going to be a great fit before you even tried it on (and by "fit" I mean fit into my budget because let's be honest, who cares about anything else). Well this, this post is the one. The one where I go too far and say too much. Here's the one.  It's about bras. Now if you are a male or just prefer to free-boob it you might want to skip over this one but, I figure if you've read this blog before you've already read about my multiple brushes with food-poisoning so the breast is pretty mild (Did you SEE what I did there?!? Because the post is about chest nuggets). I got fitted for a bra recently. Now, whenever someone had suggested it in the past I imagined some sort of large, medieval looking clamp so my response was usually "Nah, I'll just eyeball it." When the woman at the store asked me if the lady buckets I was trying on fit and I s