Hey Mom!

Hey Mom! (And Mrs. Edworthy) So I feel like after a year my acclimation to the Edmonton area has finally reached completion as I attended my very first K-Days on the weekend. This is the only picture I took, I liked the font. If you are unfamiliar, K-Days is like Calgary Stampede with a tight crop and a matte finish. It's less of an in your face (glossy) cowboy theme but also instagram size instead of a solid pano.... I had a wonderful time, I saw the Beach Boys and ate mini doughnuts and even hopped on some rides, which brings me to my next point: STOP MAKING ME GO INTO HAUNTED HOUSES! You guys know I hate it. Every. Single. Time. I hate it. Now I know what you're thinking Mack, what does this have to do with K-Days? Excellent question! My co-worker's daughter asked me to accompany her on a haunted house ride. Now this ride lasted all of two minutes, which probably doesn't sound that bad. I'd like to take this opportunity to say IT IS THAT BAD! I...

Hey Mom! So recently I purchased a heavily discounted diffuser with some essential oils. Now, some of you are rolling your eyes and saying something I've heard a thousand times before That's just a placebo. I hear this all time about all sorts of things: essential oils, echinacea, deodorant. ~LISTEN~ Let's suppose, for a moment, you are correct and everything is a placebo. Why are you raining on my parade here? If my brain has enough dumb to get a whiff of grapefruit and feel energized then LEAVE IT ALONE! Maybe that's the only slice of rainbow I have in a world on fire. ~LISTEN, LISTEN ~ If I was being pushy about the whole thing, absolutely get into an argument with me. Now I know what you are thinking Mack, you are being kind of pushy... To that, I would say I'LL SHOW YOU PUSHY CHARLENE! Ohhhh you're using Advil, well advil is a chemical and those are ALL definitively bad for you! Why don't you just rub some tea tree oil in your eyes? So ...

Hey Mom! I wooed the crap out of a physician....  Well, more accurately I went to a walk-in clinic and the doctor was like who's your doctor? and then I was like no one and looked down at my shoes and the doctor was like here take this sheet and let someone take some of your life force [blood]  and I'll be your doctor. So there I was, living the dream. Until my doctor called me. That's right! My doctor called me! Now I know what you're thinking: Mack, open and honest communication is important! To that I would say, the following: Hold on. Hold on! HOLD! ON! You don't have all the information yet (because I've structured this narrative poorly)! He told me "No news is good news." AND THEN HE CALLED ME.  Now at this point, I'm just trying to play it cool because I don't want to get blacklisted from the medical community so when they told me I had to wait 4 days to get an appointment I said "Sounds good, have a lovely afternoon!...

Hey Mom! So once again, I am back and ready to discuss something that makes perfect sense to regular adults but zero sense to me! I need a family doctor and I've been trying to figure out how to.... you know... do that. So finally, I just called a clinic and they said there is a meet and greet so you can get to know your would-be physician. First of all, this is pointless because I've already read everything that has ever been posted about them on the internet. I'm talking google reviews, rate my doctor, checked for a twitter profile, etc., BUT THEN I REALIZED THEY COULD REJECT ME?! Hold on. Hoooooold onnnn. HOLD ON!  I live in Canada, I dwell in the comfort of knowing that even if I have no money, I can walk into an emergency room and after hours of waiting and having to make small talk with somebody's mom who just won't leave me alone, someone with a medical degree will eventually walk into the room and think that they are helping me. But this whole mee...

Hey Mom! Sometimes I have nothing to say. Sometimes the blinking cursor feels like                                                                all                                                                    the                                                                       things                                                       ...

Hey Mom! So up until 10 minutes ago I was the proud owner of an Instant Pot.... don't worry, the Instant Pot is fine but I am emotionally scarred and if my soup is ruined, I'll probably shed a few tears. I decided that I would make my favourite soup (zuppa toscana from the Olive Garden), so I went to the grocery store and splurged on bacon and kale (self-care looks different for everyone, don't judge me). Everything was going well, I was cheffing so hard. Chopping, sautéing, slicing, dicing, stirring. I was holding my own in what is usually my least preferred arena of competition. And then came time to call upon the pressure cooking powers of the Instant Pot. Some would say it's a foolproof process.... those people have never seen what I am capable of.... BEHOLD! The Mount Vesuvius of Toscana Soup! I now live in a seascape of Italian herbs and spices..... it's on the counters and cupboards and in my eyes. I wish I could go back and don safety glasses...

Hey Mom! So I've figured out this whole 'self-motivation' thing. You're welcome! I know what you're thinking Mack, many people with more education, life experience and good looks than you have been studying the art of motivation for decades! How have you accomplished such a feat?!? The short answer is that I have turned to chemical enhancement. The long answer is forthcoming! Steps to a Productive Day: Get up! This is probably the hardest part for most people. I like to promise myself food or set a really loud and scary alarm clock. Waste most of your day! This is definitely the easiest part. Lately I've been playing a lot of Pocket Camp which (while incredibly empowering) is a complete and utter waste of my time. There are so many other more better things I could be doing! But planting my butt on the couch and draining the hours away on a bit of Pocket Camp reaallly drains those long hours out of my day. This is my character: she is zany and has gre...

Hey Mom! You know what people never get tired? People posting about their 'fitness journey' on the internet! But this is no ordinary fitness tale! This is an interactive (ish) photographic journey of my kinda gross gym!  *** 3x exclamation point multiplier!!! (also I'm sorry but I just got back from the gym so I am full of whatever hormone drives people to use such ebullient vocabulary)*** I did not want to go to the gym tonight. In fact, I even typed 'Is is dangerous to go to the gym while cold and tired?' into google. And you know what the google told me? The internet said that unless I have a bleeding disorder to go to the gym. So I put on my most hilarious tank top and galaxy headband and stalled for an hour and then went to the (kinda) gross gym.  Firstly, I stepped in this puddle, it's not relevant to this post but I wanted you to know. A couple weeks ago my roommate pointed out to me that this spit has been there since we started going to ...

Hey Mom! It was very briefly jean jacket season this week. Now I have a confession to make, I have resisted the siren call of the jean jacket. I know what you're thinking Mackenzie how could you not see the appeal of versatile, layerable jacket that is, no doubt, the centre piece of what the youths call a 'Canadian Tuxedo'? To that I would say that first of all, a Canadian Tuxedo was a Canadian Tuxedo loooong before the youths stumbled upon that particular piece of vernacular. Secondly, I know ok? What do you want to hear? That I was wrong? Oh.... ok, yeah I was wrong. So anyway, for the briefest moment in time this week it was jean jacket weather. And you know what I love about jean jacket weather? Of course you do! Unafraid we shed our puffy winter coils and reach for the sunshine. And as if it knows the cold we have suffered, as if it can see our chilled marrow, the jean jacket absorbs the golden rays and holds them for us. That we might, at long last, feel the war...

Hey Mom! I am a curious being. You know this. One of my many curiosities is health food. I like the idea that there is some combination of proteins, lipids and carbs out there that will transform me into a super human. I also often wonder why on earth all the super veggies taste like poison. You guys, we have adapted over many, many, maaaaany years to survive by not touching things that are hot and washing our hands after we use the bathroom. So when I made lunch today and my body screamed "No, no, this is poison, no!" I had to stop and wonder whether this was my primal instincts trying to save me from myself. Now I love vegetables! But mostly the run-of-the-mill ones like tomatoes, iceberg lettuce and cucumbers. How am I supposed to reach my true form if I don't delve into the undesirables of the produce aisle? I'm talking arugula, wheat grass and rapini. For those of you who don't know, rapini is an abomination that is related to broccoli BUT (and as yo...