Hey Mom!

Hey Mom! So last week it might not surprise you to learn I ended up in a waiting room at a walk-in clinic. This is my story: It's going to be at least an hour wait.  I already regret the decision to come here. Suddenly from across the room, a two-year repeatedly points at me and yells "MOM, THAT'S MY GIRL, I LOVE HER!" Which causes everyone to turn and stare at me, probably because they assumed I know her and wanted to see a real life kodak moment.  But I don't, so I focus really hard on my kneecap and start to weigh the pros and cons of getting up and leaving because my face is now on fire. Then I hear the loud, speedy footsteps of a toddler going on an adventure before their parents can stop her. "Hi!"  "Hello," Now I'm setting an example for the youths so I have to look up from my kneecap. "My name is Quinn, what's your name?" She is absolutely adorable, like if Nemo was in tiny human form. A pure soul. ...

Hey Mom! So recently I almost ended up in the emergency room due to an asthma attack. In the past, I've been accused of being reckless when it comes to how I choose to handle my respiratory system. To address such accusations, I would like to offer the following commentary: Yes , in my youth, I did incredibly stupid things, some of which resulted in completely preventable trips to the emergency room. But I learned from those experiences which is really the whole point of adolescence. Yes , I do like to sit on the couch and see how long I can hold off taking my inhaler. Is this inherently risky and have I accidentally trained my body to shut out the sound of my own wheezes? Yes. Is this game of chicken necessary? No, but I think if you never push the limits of your body you'll never know what it's capable of. Yes , there was an incident on Thursday which resulted in my coworkers and roommates getting a little bit of a scare. Am I apologetic? Yes. Is it completely in...

Hey Mom! So this past weekend my roommates got married. Now I know what you're thinking:  Mack, two weddings on the same weekend? Why would your roommates do such a thing? No no no to each other , silly. Otherwise this blog post would be dripping with the dramatic telling of how two roommates planned their wedding for the same day in a larger-than-life game of relationship chicken. It would be a gripping tale about the boundaries of friendship in the pursuit of a fairytale wedding... this post won't be nearly as interesting. Instead, I'm talking about donuts! I would like to preface this tale by telling you that I had only two responsibilities during this wedding so I know my stress level was minimal compared to literally everyone else involved: 1. Don't lose the keys to hall. No problem, I have pockets and lanyards. Cake walk. 2. Receive 200 donuts on the morning of the wedding and place them on a pre-constructed peg board. Sounds like a super fun activity righ...

Hey Mom! (And Mrs. Edworthy) So I feel like after a year my acclimation to the Edmonton area has finally reached completion as I attended my very first K-Days on the weekend. This is the only picture I took, I liked the font. If you are unfamiliar, K-Days is like Calgary Stampede with a tight crop and a matte finish. It's less of an in your face (glossy) cowboy theme but also instagram size instead of a solid pano.... I had a wonderful time, I saw the Beach Boys and ate mini doughnuts and even hopped on some rides, which brings me to my next point: STOP MAKING ME GO INTO HAUNTED HOUSES! You guys know I hate it. Every. Single. Time. I hate it. Now I know what you're thinking Mack, what does this have to do with K-Days? Excellent question! My co-worker's daughter asked me to accompany her on a haunted house ride. Now this ride lasted all of two minutes, which probably doesn't sound that bad. I'd like to take this opportunity to say IT IS THAT BAD! I...

Hey Mom! So recently I purchased a heavily discounted diffuser with some essential oils. Now, some of you are rolling your eyes and saying something I've heard a thousand times before That's just a placebo. I hear this all time about all sorts of things: essential oils, echinacea, deodorant. ~LISTEN~ Let's suppose, for a moment, you are correct and everything is a placebo. Why are you raining on my parade here? If my brain has enough dumb to get a whiff of grapefruit and feel energized then LEAVE IT ALONE! Maybe that's the only slice of rainbow I have in a world on fire. ~LISTEN, LISTEN ~ If I was being pushy about the whole thing, absolutely get into an argument with me. Now I know what you are thinking Mack, you are being kind of pushy... To that, I would say I'LL SHOW YOU PUSHY CHARLENE! Ohhhh you're using Advil, well advil is a chemical and those are ALL definitively bad for you! Why don't you just rub some tea tree oil in your eyes? So ...

Hey Mom! I wooed the crap out of a physician....  Well, more accurately I went to a walk-in clinic and the doctor was like who's your doctor? and then I was like no one and looked down at my shoes and the doctor was like here take this sheet and let someone take some of your life force [blood]  and I'll be your doctor. So there I was, living the dream. Until my doctor called me. That's right! My doctor called me! Now I know what you're thinking: Mack, open and honest communication is important! To that I would say, the following: Hold on. Hold on! HOLD! ON! You don't have all the information yet (because I've structured this narrative poorly)! He told me "No news is good news." AND THEN HE CALLED ME.  Now at this point, I'm just trying to play it cool because I don't want to get blacklisted from the medical community so when they told me I had to wait 4 days to get an appointment I said "Sounds good, have a lovely afternoon!...

Hey Mom! So once again, I am back and ready to discuss something that makes perfect sense to regular adults but zero sense to me! I need a family doctor and I've been trying to figure out how to.... you know... do that. So finally, I just called a clinic and they said there is a meet and greet so you can get to know your would-be physician. First of all, this is pointless because I've already read everything that has ever been posted about them on the internet. I'm talking google reviews, rate my doctor, checked for a twitter profile, etc., BUT THEN I REALIZED THEY COULD REJECT ME?! Hold on. Hoooooold onnnn. HOLD ON!  I live in Canada, I dwell in the comfort of knowing that even if I have no money, I can walk into an emergency room and after hours of waiting and having to make small talk with somebody's mom who just won't leave me alone, someone with a medical degree will eventually walk into the room and think that they are helping me. But this whole mee...

Hey Mom! Sometimes I have nothing to say. Sometimes the blinking cursor feels like                                                                all                                                                    the                                                                       things                                                       ...

Hey Mom! So up until 10 minutes ago I was the proud owner of an Instant Pot.... don't worry, the Instant Pot is fine but I am emotionally scarred and if my soup is ruined, I'll probably shed a few tears. I decided that I would make my favourite soup (zuppa toscana from the Olive Garden), so I went to the grocery store and splurged on bacon and kale (self-care looks different for everyone, don't judge me). Everything was going well, I was cheffing so hard. Chopping, sautéing, slicing, dicing, stirring. I was holding my own in what is usually my least preferred arena of competition. And then came time to call upon the pressure cooking powers of the Instant Pot. Some would say it's a foolproof process.... those people have never seen what I am capable of.... BEHOLD! The Mount Vesuvius of Toscana Soup! I now live in a seascape of Italian herbs and spices..... it's on the counters and cupboards and in my eyes. I wish I could go back and don safety glasses...

Hey Mom! So I've figured out this whole 'self-motivation' thing. You're welcome! I know what you're thinking Mack, many people with more education, life experience and good looks than you have been studying the art of motivation for decades! How have you accomplished such a feat?!? The short answer is that I have turned to chemical enhancement. The long answer is forthcoming! Steps to a Productive Day: Get up! This is probably the hardest part for most people. I like to promise myself food or set a really loud and scary alarm clock. Waste most of your day! This is definitely the easiest part. Lately I've been playing a lot of Pocket Camp which (while incredibly empowering) is a complete and utter waste of my time. There are so many other more better things I could be doing! But planting my butt on the couch and draining the hours away on a bit of Pocket Camp reaallly drains those long hours out of my day. This is my character: she is zany and has gre...